Meet Andy (He/Him)

What follows is a transcript from Andy''s video, which you can watch here: https://youtu.be/Ueie5Wy6RsQ

_____________________________________

Hi, I'm Andy, and it took me a long time to get that name, but it was actually a name I used to call myself when I was a kid and I used to record myself, you know, on cassettes and you put them in and you record off the radio and you'd like talk in between and introduce.

That's how I used to play, and I used to call myself, Andy. So that's how I ended up getting my name. And I use he/him pronouns. That was also a little bit of a journey to get to that point as well.

And I'm a social worker and I work locally out here in beautiful Workwith, Ontario. So I remember something that stood out to me, and it was when we end up going and talking to your doctor, or in my case, it's a nurse practitioner, they ask you, like, how did it all start and tell me your trans journey?

And I remember being in like grade two or three pretty young, and there was someone who came and presented to the gym and the entire class of the entire school actually was there. And at some point, they had pointed out to me because I had my hand up and they said, the boy in the purple shirt. And everyone started to laugh. And tease me because they knew who I was, and I was the little girl with short hair and had to beg my parents to get that haircut, something that I really wanted. But that always stuck. It stuck out to me; the boy in the purple shirt, and it's enough for me to think about it now and for it to stick with me. I always thought there was something there, and I remember a little bit later on that year, my mom decided to paint my walls pink.

And she, I don't know if she was sensing things, just trying to keep things pink and put your girl in little dresses and make sure that you know they're following along, like all the other little girls. But I got black paint and I put all over my hands and I decorated the walls to let her know how I felt about her choosing pink for me. So very strong willed, I think, at a young age. And sorry, mom. So I think they had the paint over that or made me. Maybe they made me paint over it.

I went to Catholic school, and I didn't have very many examples of people around me who were from the LGBT family. It wasn't really talked about very much. I had to go outside. Internet was a big thing, you know, ICQ and all that good stuff when we were younger and messenger. And so I started talking to people in other areas.

And I met my partner, who was from Oshawa, and she was going to be going to a dance in Toronto, the buddies in bad times. It was a boys and boys and girls and girls dance. And so that was the first time we were 17 or 18, and then we dated for a little bit.

We dated twice, but my partner, she was just coming out herself and interested in lots of girls, and I think girls were interested in her and I can hear her laughing on the side because she probably doesn't want me to tell you. But she dated a few different people and I think I was young, but I wanted to just have one partner and I wanted it to be her. And so I broke up with her twice and then we went and we both married different people.

We had a great time with both persons. We learned a lot of different things and learned how to be good people and better partners to one another. So I thank my last partner for everything that she taught me and so then I was just looking for someone to be friends with, and I needed to learn how to crochet, so I put a post on Facebook and I said, Hey, is there anyone willing to teach me to crochet?

And so she messaged me and said I'd love to and came over. And I think she had other things in mind, but I was innocent. And in all that, of course, she came over. And it was history from there.

So that sort of started. I guess I went through being a lesbian phase, feeling I was a woman and it wasn't until I was maybe 32 that I went to her and I said, Listen, I think I'm a man and I don't know how you're going to take this. But she answered with such positivity and support and willing to listen and like, Oh well, you could try this or you could go on hormones or you could do this. And just knowing that there were some options, opened up, like a whole new world to me.

I felt relief. I felt just in my mind, a little bit of peace and like, Oh my God, there's an opportunity that I can be who I am on the inside that little boy in the purple shirt.

So I think some of the challenges are... A lot more came from coming out to family. And I've had some really supportive, strong people. And I've heard some people really question it and ask awful questions that you wouldn't want to be asked. And people that you wanted to be there to support you and just say, OK, where do we go from here?

And I've been told that I'm going to get beat up in the bathroom and maybe killed. People are worried. They're worried for me. But it's been a challenge.

I think some people have said, like, why would you want to be a man? It's the worst thing in the world.

And it's not a choice. It's not. I've had so many conversations about it. So it's challenging just getting self-affirmation. But it's really funny because we have a foster daughter who lives with us. And when she first came, that was when I was starting to transition.

I think it was like October when I started my hormones, and she came in November. So I thought, OK, I'm going to have to have a conversation with this kid. She's going to see me start growing facial hair.

You know, I wear different, not feminine clothes. And what is she going to think? Is she going to be embarrassed? Is she going to accept me all those fun things? And so I got to happen at the same time that we're also creating an identity of who we were as parents.

So, it was an interesting time. Everything was combined.

Some of it, like I've been up against oppression and felt oppressed when Danielle and I applied for an apartment, and we got told we didn't get the apartment because we had bad credit and we both have excellent credit. So it was obvious to me that we both showed up - I think I was looking pretty butch at the time and they just didn't want people like us there.

So, there's been things like that. But when I get to a bathroom at this point because I'm I feel I'm pretty newly transitioning, I feel like how boy do I have to look today to go into the men's bathroom versus, OK, if I'm in there is really busy or a lot of women going to see me? If my mask is covering, you know, based on what I'm wearing, what where do I fit that day?

It's a struggle. I'm hoping that that becomes clearer and clearer. The more I feel like myself is matching with my outside physical appearance. But I'm a social worker, so my whole thing is you got to enjoy the journey. And this is who I am today, and that's OK. So.

So, this is Daniel.

We've been together now for eight years. Soon to be wife, I hope one day, well, we'll see, but I think we've passed the, what is it like a three-year mark normally?

[Danielle] Common Law.

[Andy] Wow.

[Danielle] Yeah.

[Andy] So, so Danielle is a nurse and she's been an integral part of my life since I was very young and then we stayed friends. We stayed friends for a good while, we were off being married and doing all that kind of stuff.

And so, you've always been there. And I was always in love with her. I just wanted to be with me and nobody else.

[Danielle] Yeah. You know, I remember quite clearly, we were we were living in Hamilton, and Andy had just come back from training and focusing providers, medical providers about trans care and had to be inclusive. And Andy, I remember Andy came in and he was just pale and didn't look good.

And I said, you know, is everything OK? And he said, I think I'm trans, and I said, I kind of figured that before. But like, you know, that doesn't change anything. And I think that was Andy's worry is, how is that going to change our relationship?

You know, me identifying at that time as a lesbian in a lesbian relationship, how does that change the dynamics of things? And like to me, it's, you know, gender is a social construct, and you know, it's not about, you know, that, you know, I love Andy because of Andy. And I, you know, Andy is trans and I kind of, you know, always knew that, and always loved that about Andy.

And yeah.

[Andy] My cheeks go red sometimes.

Yeah, we I think we had a big conversation about going from a lesbian relationship to a CIS relationship. And I also wonder, you know, your sexuality like I wasn't trying to change you in my decision.

And then you came out and you told me that you were what.

[Danielle] I identify as non-binary. I never fit into any of the gender roles.

[Andy] But not as a pansexual. You told them.

[Danielle] Yeah, I put my attractiveness to a person is not to a gender. I don't believe that you can be attracted just to the gender.

[Andy] So it's like I hit the jackpot.

[Danielle] You know, it's...

[Andy] For me, I think I was even counseling someone at this point too who was coming out. Someone who didn't want to lose their partner and said I'd rather keep my partner than come out because that's more important to me, and that's sort of how I felt. So Danielle had to be OK with that and took a long time to tell her, and now I feel like I'm taking away her lesbian pride.

Like. Are we not part of that same? Like, all your friends are lesbians. You know you're in a different sort of status now, right?

[Danielle] It's kind of a strange position to be in because, you know, for most of my life, I was very butch. I had my hair shaved.

[Andy] Oh, Danielle was the one. Yeah.

[Danielle] I was definitely. And then we've our roles have kind of changed our relationship where, you know, I grew my hair out and he cut his hair off.

[Andy] Danielle cuts my hair for COVID. She gave me this beautiful hawk. Yes, it's my first mohawk.

[Danielle] So you know, you're not visibly queer anymore. I guess is the thing is that you kind of so you think, where do I fit into the... I don't really fit into the lesbian or the queer visually, you know, I still definitely feel like I fit in into that.

[Andy] See, I still think people see me as female when I walk around.

[Danielle] Yeah.

[Andy]So I don't feel like... I think you're still visible at this point. I wear a lot of colorful stuff.

[Danielle] Yeah, it's you know, it's. I think it is what it is, but one day though, right?

[Andy] Yeah, one day I think it's going to be very, very different. I'm going to stick with this and I'm going to go full beard and lumberjack it up, I think.

[Danielle] Well, maybe it's hard because you've kind of gone through most of your visible transition during COVID.

[Andy] Many people who come to me and do the, you know, think I'm a man or and then say sir and then say, sorry, they look at me and they get confused. And yeah, I get a lot of sirs at first, I think and then they look at me and then they second guess it and they apologize. So that's been happening quite a bit. Your family and my friends and like people who have known me and my dead named transitioning to Andy, and he him, I think, has been a challenge for some people.

[Danielle] Yeah.

[Andy] I was really lucky. I was working at a place that there was someone who was non-binary and I remember it being a transition for me. And then even in myself calling myself Andy all the time, like I went through a transition with it as well.

And so I try not to. I don't react to people as much. I think if it doesn't, if it happens, I hear it. I definitely hear it and it, but I just glad to be here.

[Danielle] I think you take on that teacher role. I think that's who you are. And, you know, formally being a teacher, I think you still have those qualities where you want to teach people.

[Andy] Sometimes they also say something that.

[Danielle] Yeah.

[Andy] I feel, yeah, I feel like I'm. Trying to make it easy for people as well, but I shouldn't like everyone's like, you don't have to tell your story to everyone and teach the world like, that's not my job. I shouldn't have to stop it because that's a lot to take on. But yeah, lately I think I just... People will realize it themselves, and that'll be a bigger teacher because they'll feel embarrassed and they'll be like, Oh, next time I'll do that.

[Danielle] I haven't seen you happier.

[Andy] Really?

[Danielle] Yeah.

[Andy] Yeah?

[Danielle] I think in terms of your mental health, it's definitely been.

[Andy] Yeah, I.

[Danielle] I Don't know what.

[Andy] Yeah.

I struggled from when I was a little kid. Like, we came from a lower socioeconomic upbringing. I'd say. Like my parents were, blue collared workers, is what you call them? And life was, you had what you needed, always. But it wasn't always the nice fancy things that everyone else in class had. And so it was rougher.

It was it was harder. And I think around 17 or 18 and coming out, I struggled with my identity. I struggled with the sexuality and a poor girl, I had slept with a girl for the first time, and I think a week later ended up in the hospital and she thought it was totally her. And it wasn't. But I just, I did a lot of years of counseling to help, and I'm in a really good place right now. And I think that it evened things out better, like everyone struggles with their own mental health and, you know, just feeling more balanced within the day starting hormones, I didn't expect that to happen. Just calmer. Peace, peaceful, right?

So we've had a we've had a struggle with family life, and I can see Danielle sort of welling up a little bit to like your eyes got glassy.

We have always wanted to have children, both of us and quite quickly in a relationship, I think realized that we'd be great parents and had good skill set that we could share and tried a lot of routes like we went the fertility route. And we were both. We both struggled with weight at that time where Daniel's lost 50lb in COVID. She's doing excellent. But, you know, we both had a hard time getting pregnant and then we thought, you know, do we? We're trying to work out. But like, is there anything we can do in terms of maybe adopting or fostering?

Are you open to that? And we decided we were both, it didn't have to be our biological child. We just had a lot of love to give to a child that needed it. And so we decided to become adopt, adopt ready parents. We have to do pride training for that. That's what they call it. I always thought it was special. Must be for us. And we waited how many years?

[Danielle] Four years.

[Andy] Four years, being ready and everything approved and the ups and downs of like you go to these events where they put kids profiles out on tables. And it's like a meat market of places that you can; OK, I'm interested in that one. And then you're fighting with someone behind you. You're like, No, I'm going to be a better parent with that one because we're doctors.

I mean. It was a horrible experience, so we finally got matched to one. And then right before they were supposed to start visits with us, I guess we got told that the foster parent wanted to keep the child and they thought that was a better fit, so it didn't upset the attachment.

And we grieved that because we knew the whole story. We knew what to expect. We were we were ready and it was a loss, a big loss. And then we thought, OK, do we keep waiting? We're getting older. Like.

You know, I'm starting to get gray hairs now. Things are happening like that. And we thought, Well, why don't we foster? If we foster, maybe we'll have an opportunity to... Then if a child becomes available, then have them come permanently into our home, right?

[Danielle] And I think it was important that we were upfront with them right away, that you were trans and this was our family. And you know, you know, are they going to be accepting of that? Or, you know.

[Andy] That's what will fit. Yeah, we couldn't have it with a kid that didn't.

[Danielle] Yeah.

[Andy] Yeah.

But kids are like sponges. They just eat up what you tell them. And like, she started asking me, Why do you wear boys clothes? So we ended up fostering, by the way. So we have our foster child now.

And she's like, Yeah, why? Why is your hair like that? Why do you wish? I kept wondering where I was wearing certain clothes out to places. And so we talked to her and I said, You know, like, this is how I feel most comfortable.

This is who I am and how I want to express myself. And I hope you want me to feel comfortable and happy to do that. And she was like, Of course.

[Danielle] And I think even before we had told her or kind of explained it to her about Andy being trans, she right away asked Andy, "Can I call you, dad? Is it OK if you can be my Dad,

[Andy] Oh. Melted my heart.

[Danielle] And this was pretty early on when she was here. And yeah. So, you know, I think, you know, kids know a lot more than they can pick up on things.

[Andy] And she, on Father's Day, she wrote me, drew me a little picture, and she can barely spell like she's challenged in her spelling, but she can affirm my gender. She gave me like little stubble and a mustache and like, amazing.

You know, what more can you ask for? So I'm going to hold on to that picture forever, I think.

[Danielle] Yeah.

[Andy] That's good because I was nervous. I didn't know how she would take it.

[Danielle] Yeah.

[Andy]And yeah, she's been pretty. She's been pretty amazing. I feel I feel awkward going to her Catholic school sometimes.

[Danielle] Yeah.

[Andy] Do you?

[Danielle] Yeah.

[Andy] And just all the other parents, I'm like, Oh, that's the kid. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know if they do that, but I think about that.

[Danielle] Yeah, we worry about those kind of things. So especially in a Christian organization that is not too accepting of...

[Andy] Well, they won't put the flags on. Yeah.

Yeah.

So with every new foster, you don't get a choice as to where the child goes because there was a really nice school right around the corner that she could have gone to.

But so we'll see.

We just found out today, actually, that she might be leaving us like, right before you came, we got a letter. It's a possibility we're going to we're going to find out. So we're in a limbo. So our hearts have been flipped turned.

[Danielle] Yeah.

[Andy] Excitement. She's coming. I remember waiting at the door the day she was coming on, staring out the window. You couldn't get me away from the door. I was so excited.

[Danielle] Yeah, that's what it is, right?

[Andy] Yeah.

[Danielle] So we have family in a in a different way, and it's it's not the traditional way that we experience family or the schema that you were brought up with.

[Danielle] Yeah.

[Andy] And I think that was the trouble to like when I tried to take a leave from work and met with some trouble there and being told that like, we weren't parents like they quoted you or not, parents, you do not get leave.

So challenges, that was a that was a big challenge.

[Danielle] Yes.

[Andy] Come to think of it.

[Danielle] Being treated differently, like you're going off on the sleeve to take care of a child. And you know everybody else when they were going off in that leave or, you know, oh, got a present, and a party and then you were kind of there was a meeting planned right at the end and you thought, Oh.

[Andy] Yeah, there was a meeting, and I thought everyone was going to be there because it was online. COVID had started. And it was just my boss checking in on how much work I did that day.

[Danielle] And that disappointment that, you know, a week earlier, someone went off on that leave and got this whole big party.

[Andy] I donated to that. Not the not that I needed to present. I don't mean that, but it's the whole. When you're a manager, you're fair to everyone and you include. So I felt very othered. And then being told that I couldn't have the leave. And then it was like October. Like I asked before she had come to our home and it wasn't until February when I got approval to be off for 35 weeks.

So they felt like it took months and months. So think of every day not knowing if you have to go back to work or like what's going to happen with your kid or how are you going to? Now you've got to get child care.

It was like very hectic and like, emotionally draining.

[Danielle] Yeah.

[Andy] Um.

And then, yeah, just now being asked if we're interested in putting forth any intent to adopt that puts us in a totally different. It's a fine line from the government's through the ESA. And if you don't cross that border exactly this boundary, you get all the. But that's what I said to them, like, this is how we have our family. This is how we tried to expand our family in other ways, and this is how we have to do it. And I need to leave to attach with my child and they wouldn't give it to me. It was a fight.

That was a challenge. And so you would expect them to be treating their employees. I think with more respect with the laws that are out there, the Legislature that's out there created by the same body, and I felt not treated that way too.

And I think because I was just about to go on a transition like start my transition and I thought I can either go off on a leave medical leave because I didn't want to be in a place that I didn't feel comfortable.

Like it wasn't talked about compared to my other social work agencies that I worked at.

[Danielle] Which were very queer positive.

[Andy] Yeah, and they, you know, you go round the table at a meeting and you introduce your pronouns, and that was the way of things, but it was not like that at all. And so I didn't feel safe.

You know, just being on a team without some discussion and some. So I thought OK, I'll either take a leave or choose the parental leave. And I talked to my union and they felt that it was better to take the parental leave. But then it was like, No, you can't have it. And then they said, Oh, you're already on this because I had started.

I said, I have to be off this stay. The child's coming into my home. Special needs, you know, I have to be there.

I think the great thing about our futures is that we know it'll be together because we both enjoy the same things. We're very outdoorsy and nature, and that's why we wanted to live in a home with trees surrounding it and be able to have animals like your little puppy that you had a whole park if put her down and have the chickens, really love doing that. But I think just being somewhere where there's places to kayak. I think a house like you make the home wherever you go.

We'll be here for a few years. We have something that is strong, found a house. We lived in Hamilton, I guess, was our first house and moved here and bought something that was half done. So we've been putting little bits and little bits into it and building it.

It's sort of a... Do you feel like.

[Danielle] Block by block.

[Andy] Block by block. But like each project we do, do you feel more affinity towards the house and the land and just being here?

[Danielle] Yeah. We're in a very supportive community. So you know, we're very privileged to be where we are today.

[Andy] I think coming from such a hard place. Going through, you know, coming out as being gay and not being accepted right away and fighting for that. And then, yeah, I think a lot of people just thought I was nutty. Because I was dealing with, you know, being OK and finding that identity within myself. It's a it's like going into a cave and then you get to the back of the cave and there's a little crack and you go through the crack and it opens up into another cave.

And I just, it took me a little longer than most people. I guess I feel old doing this by, you know, by the time I'm fully transitioned and feeling myself, I think I'll probably be bald and part of it, right?

I think we've come up with like a whole bunch of advice that we'd give others in terms of thinking, you know, just get talking to someone and sharing and not holding things in. I mean, you've got to be ready because let's face it, there's still real true things that can be done to you and consequences. So you want to be safe and make sure it's a safe person, but get talking to those people and realizing that there's others out there that you're part of the community.

It was really great about this project because when I was introduced to it and I started watching videos, there was two or three people that I've come in contact with. I used to work with Heidi and Peterborough, and I know Cash. And so it's great to feel like I'm part of a community and everything I've been a part of, I know it's not the best place, but there's little Facebook groups that you can join and people, any time you need something, they're there for you. So it'd be great to get connected and feel supported. You told me I don't have to be anywhere yet. Like, I felt like I wasn't male. I wasn't female. I didn't fit this box or that box. And you said, like, why does there have to be a box?

[Danielle] Yeah.

[Andy] And not, you know, pushing yourself to fit into that yet.

[Danielle] I think your personality is very black and white and you struggle with the gray. Yeah.

[Andy] Trying to find the gray?

Yeah. Well. There is such a thing as non-binary. Is that right in the middle in terms of all that stuff?

My trans journey gets better with every step, every day, and every moment. To the place that I want to be. And I just. Want to encourage others to take those steps and walk, to move. Don't stay stagnant. There's great things out there. 

_________________________________

Support The Trans Canada Project

https://www.transcanadaproject.ca

https://www.patreon.com/transcanadaproject

LGBTQ in Kenya? Yes! And they need our help.

Many in our community get upset (and rightly so) when we are miss-gendered, maligned or dead-named, but honestly, that is nothing compared to what many of our LGBTQIA+ friends are facing in countries that are not as progressive as Canada regarding sexual and gender identities, or even on human rights. 

The Crisis in Afghanistan has become main stream news, horrific and beyond the comprehension of most of us in the West, but add to that being LGBTQIA+ and you have the formula for a living nightmare.

The Trans Canada Project was recently messaged by Marc Lee, one of several LGBTQIA+ refugees living in the Kakuma Refugee Camps. Even though they have reached out for aid and provided shelter, they continue to feel persecution based on their orientation. They are discriminated against, abused and attacked because of their sexual and gender orientation. 

Marc writes (grammatically paraphrased):

"I fled from my country of Uganda when people found out I was gay. They wanted to kill me, but I managed to escape.

I found my way to Nairobi and registered at the UNHCR - the UN Refugee Agency - and was brought to the Kakuma Refugee Camp where I was put in the receipt center. A few weeks later, I was given a shelter in the community.

A few days after we arrived, while we were going to fetch some water, we were attacked by Ethiopians who did not want to associate with us because we were gay. They started a fight. 

When we went to the police to report what happened, the police officer asked us if we were Ugandans and when we said yes, they told us to go back to our country because they were tired of queer people in their country.  

We left and went back to our community, but at noon we were called back to the police station and we were put in a cell.

We managed to contact the UNHCR offices to seek protection. But we were tear gassed and brutally beaten. They even used bullets to bring us back to the same place we had been attacked in the first place.

On June 19th, a massive number of homophobic people attacked us during the day and started beating us. We managed to fight back, but we could not withstand the attack. We called the police and the police did not show up.

On April 15th, we were attacked during the night as we were sleeping and our shelters were set on fire. Two of my gay friends were seriously injured. One of them has since died and the other is still in hospital nursing their wounds. 

On August 16th, the same thing happened, as fires were set in the shelters and everything was destroyed including mattresses, blankets, clothes, food and documents.

We are currently sleeping outside with no mattresses and starving. We need assistance."  

Next time you feel persecuted, whether you are queer or not, remember our friends in those countries where hatred and violence are the acceptable answers to differences of opinion. The hate must stop. This is no way to treat a fellow human being.

At the Trans Canada Project, we try to help those in our community by sharing the stories of Trans people across Canada. In this case we were moved to share the story of Marc Lee from Uganda. If you are also moved by their story, and you have the resources, then please take action. You can help by making a donation to the UNHCR, through their website: UNHCR Canada

"Love Wins" we say. But perhaps we could give Love a little help.

Meet Luna (she/her)

What follows is a transcript from Luna''s video, which you can watch here: https://youtu.be/f09iNHM5FYw

_____________________________________

Hi, I'm Lana, and my pronouns are she/her and I'm a transwoman.

I want to talk about how HRT saved my life. When I was like, I must have been like 15, 16 when I came out. I was miserable all the time, and up until then, I didn't really understand why.

I just didn't really feel right ever. I was like 14. 14, 13 years are hard. I came out as bi and I was like, this is something. But I still don't feel whole, really. And I just sort of continued to feel that way until I figured out that I was transwoman.

And everything in life just immediately started to make more sense. I was happy. I felt like myself and my social life was just right and I had never felt that before. But dysphoria was really, really hard.

I spent years where the only thing I could think about was going to the bathtub and castrating myself, because I just needed relief from that. And the urge to do that. It was something I managed to resist because I knew that I would probably bleed out in the bathtub had I tried to do that, and that would have been not right.

So when I started blockers about two and a half months ago now, I felt so much better almost instantly. And when I started estrogen a month ago, I felt even better.

My life is so much higher quality and so much happier, and my body feels like my home for the first time ever. So. If you ever question that and I think you should pursue it, because I found so much better of a life for myself by doing it when I actually came out, my family was, you know, pretty shocked and pretty confused. Took them a while to understand, and I got delayed for a few years because I. Well, I had an unrelated medical issue that made it so I was not physically sick, physically or mentally stable enough to start for about two or three years.

And then immediately after that, I was like, I'm finally ready. Let's do it, aAnd coronavirus happens and I am not going to go get the various blood tests I need at the very beginning of the pandemic when we still don't know what's going on. So that delayed me another year. But we're here now. That's what matters.

A lot of us, my family, just needed time to understand, and my mom took on some papers and beliefs that weren't well founded like Lisa Littman's idea of like rapid onset gender dysphoria, and that wasn't really her fault. It's easy to make these mistakes if you don't have like a good source for someone telling you that this is wrong. It's easy to make that kind of mistake, especially ones like, you know, a well accredited DR prestigious university.

Even if it all turned out to be bullshit later, admittedly, like so it was about reeducating my family. It was about being patient. And then it was about the medical issues where I fell very, very sick because of my allergies, actually, because vaping was just starting to become popular. And in my high school, people were vaping indoors and I was just getting really, really sick in school. And it actually damaged my body so much that I was pretty much immobilized for several months. And yeah, so it took me a very long time to recover from that, both physically and psychologically.

So that delayed me for a while because I didn't want to start the process in an unstable place and then fail and have to start again, because after the other challenges I had, I figured that type of trauma would destroy me.

So I waited and that was hard. That was probably the hardest part, knowing that I had to make the choice for myself to wait, because if I didn't, I would be putting myself in an unsafe situation by doing it.

My relationship with my family, it struggled for a few years because they didn't have the understanding they needed to support me. And I wasn't in a place where I could really teach them. So we struggled with that for a long time.

But eventually it all worked out in a sense. And it also really got kicked off when I got this job with the government and I said, I'm not going to do this as a man. And this is it. Like, you can't stop me and this is going to be how I live. And that seemed to turn around for them, I guess. And now they're really supportive and it's really great.

I'm just less afraid now. I know I still you know, I'm still going to be clocked as trans, but I'm OK with that. My body feels like mine. My. Head feels like mine. My thoughts feel like mine now. In the past, they didn't really feel like they fit and they didn't. And now they do. And I know that's a bit Rambley, but I feel like myself. And that has been the biggest joy of all of it. Really.

My dreams are really to continue to pursue my studies in environmental resource management. And, you know, maybe un-destroy the world from capitalism can be pretty great. But in regards to myself, I really just want to keep living my life. And I'm you know, I haven't made any decisions about surgeries and whatnot, but I know the options out there and I feel good about them. I just you know, we'll see how my body and mind feel at the time.

If I could talk to myself in the past, I would say that it's going to work out. There is a reason you feel disconnected from society. You're not wrong. You're not broken. You struggle to socialize for a reason. It's not a mental health condition. It's not you just being wrong. It's the fact that you're not who you really are and you will get there and it will be OK.

What I've learned is that I can be myself, that I don't need to stop being myself, that I have freedom and I have a life and that I, I get to live it how I want.

Don't question people's identities. Even if you're part of the community, there may be a person's identity or sexuality that you don't understand. But that doesn't mean it's any less valid than your own. By slicing up the community, drawing these like battle lines between like who you think is valid and invalid, that only hurts us.

People with neo pronouns are valid. People with more complex sexualities are valid. And to try and say that we have this line of acceptability that's only going to hurt the community, only going to make it easier to hurt us.

People's identities are valid, and none of us are in a position to tell anyone how to live their lives.

_________________________________

Support The Trans Canada Project

https://www.transcanadaproject.ca

https://www.patreon.com/transcanadaproject