What follows is a transcript from Stefanie's video, which you can watch here: https://youtu.be/R6j6S2Z57qY
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I was born an assigned male at birth. Nobody asked me
anything as a baby and the only thing that doctors, you know, assign sex with,
is your private parts. Nobody asked me if I was transgender, which I found out
later in life, much later in life, that I am a transgender woman.
My identity became known to me when I was 46 years old,
which was 12 years ago. However, when I was seven, I realized that I just
didn't fit into a boy role in society. That was a struggle for me for me for my
entire life until I discovered that I was trans.
I would seek out women's clothes just to express myself in a
female way, which was very helpful in my understanding of who I am.
I was born in the 60s, so society at that time frowned upon,
you know, something other than what you see.
Through puberty it became more intense, that I wasn't really
a male. And it was difficult to, you know, function. And that was never
revealed to anybody. I went through all the male rituals, pretty much
pretending, but that was expected of me, a young teenage boy, then later a man.
It was expected of me to marry a woman, have children and so forth.
And through all that time it was a struggle. It's like
something I thought I would have to live with forever, which was very
despairing. But then internet came, and you find out things; that you're not
alone, that other people are struggling too. So, my gender identity as a trans
woman became evident to me. My bell was rung, and you can't un-ring a bell.
So, I am married, and I told my wife that moment I found
out. She looked at me and said, "my dear, I knew that." She knew
before I did, and she became very, very supportive of me. It was very difficult
for both of us to go through that process but it's very, very critical that you
have this communication between partners that you're sharing your life with.
That was the key to our success and in our marriage, we are still married, and
we love each other so much.
So, coming out as a trans woman was not immediate. This was
back in 2008 when I realized that I was a trans woman and, what to do? What is
the next step? Next step was, I need to transform my body. So, you search for
ways to do that.
I chose to do things on my own because I was not sure
society would accept who I am authentically. And so, I didn't go to a doctor
and I decided to self-medicate with phytoestrogen. These are herbal pills that
mimic estrogen and they were helpful because before that I was, you know,
because of my depression I would have antidepressant drugs and they never ever
work. But when I started taking phytoestrogens it seemed to make, you know, a
change that... a change occurred. A good change. I felt more content with
myself.
But it was not enough. I always wanted more. And so, it came
to a point where I did have to go to a doctor, and they prescribed
pharmaceutical estrogen. I went to see an endocrinologist who I'd been saying
before because I suffered from prolactinoma which is a tumor in your pituitary
that produces prolactin which is a female hormone that women produce when
they're pregnant. So, it was an indicator that maybe yes this is for sure
valid; my identity is as a woman.
When I started those estrogen, that hormone therapy, I
noticed a magnificent change. I became more content with myself and my life
changed dramatically. But I was still not out to the world I was only out to my
wife Michelle and I have two boys that were in school and we were in an empty
nest situation. And so, it was easy for me to be Stefanie at home, but in the
world in a society I was still my former male self.
It came to a point where I did feel confident enough to come
out. I came out to my children. My oldest was married so there were three and
we got them together. And we this was on a Victoria Day in 2016 that I came out
to them and they were very supportive. But when they discovered that I had
known I was trans back in 2008 they became sad because I had to hide this from
them.
In hindsight I probably didn't have to. I knew that I had
the love of my children and that they would be supportive. And then I decided,
oh I must do more, always more, and I started electrolysis and laser treatments
to remove my facial hair, my body hair, to be more feminine
Yeah so, the beginning of my coming out actually had a
signal that I was ready to come out.
There was a survey produced at our plant that wanted to find
out about the makeup of our worker workforce, you know, male, female, religion,
and all that stuff. And so, when it came down to the form saying, you know,
your gender, I kind of was wondering what to put there. I wasn't completely out
so I decided to go see our women's advocate, which was unusual for a male to go
see somebody like that. But they were very, very supportive and um I didn't
know if I was the first one that came up with this but they told me that it was
perfectly fine to put whatever I feel comfortable putting on that form. So, I
made a new line and I put trans woman and that felt so so freeing, to do that,
exposing myself to a survey which is a private matter. But for me to do that
was a big step and that was actually only a month before I told my kids and I
think that might have been the trigger that I was ready to come out and face
the world as Stefanie. a trans woman, so then I decided to actually come out on
my birthday July 7th.
I went to the commissioner. Here in Ontario, it's required
to give an oath to say that you are changing your name, changing your gender,
and I did that on my birthday in 2016. I came out to my co-workers at Chrysler
a few weeks after that. We had a shutdown and I told him the day before that
when we come back from our vacation that I will have transformed from a male to
a female. And I had much, much support from my coworkers and I was gladdened by
that. That was another stigma that we have in the trans community that we're
not accepted, and I was very, very fortunate that the people around me
supported me in that way.
So, the other thing while I was at the women's advocate and
discussing my gender identity with them, they told me that I was not the first.
There was a trans man that had come out maybe a year before I did. And they
suggested that I contact this person because they were running a peer-to-peer
support group for trans people in Windsor called trans spectrum. And I was
shocked, you know, I was overjoyed that there was somebody else that was going
through the same thing I am.
And so, I decided to reach out to this person and attend
these meetings that they had. I think it was once a month that we would go to
and other trans people would come and we would, you know, relate our
experiences, you know, being trans in our community. And that was the start of
a wonderful friendship.
It also was the beginning of my advocacy because listening
to other trans people, and this was my first exposure to other trans people, I
had no exposure previous to that at all, and I was amazed at how privileged I
am, that I didn't go through some of the discrimination and prejudice that most
trans people experienced. My decision at that point was I have a voice that may
help my own community; my new community that I’m a part of, that I could speak
and have that courage to do that for others that do not have that ability with
the privilege, the white privilege that I have, the privilege of a really good
job, a loving supportive family, this is not a common occurrence in our trans community.
And that needs to change.
In our trans community we have people that are not able to
speak for themselves because of the stigma that we face in society right now.
We are dependent on the majority of the population, which is the cis
population,
those are people that are assigned a sex at birth and are
content with that, as opposed to trans people and gender diverse people that
are not. We need the cis population to educate themselves. We need them to
advocate and become allies for the trans community at levels that most people
don't wish to do, to protect the, you know, the most vulnerable in our society.
I’m not just talking about trans people, but people living with disabilities.
There's so many people that require these barriers to be taken down so that our
society can flourish.
I am so happy to be a part of the family that I am in. My
wife Michelle has been by my side since the very beginning of my trans journey
and I want to thank her for being such a loving partner to me and my children,
Michael, Courtney, Patrick. That they have been so supportive of me and they
still call me dad, because that's who I am. And I can't express it enough how
much love I have for them that they are part of my journey.
I would like to say that through my coming out only five
years ago that the people that I have met I have created an extended chosen
family that has shown me love and respect of who I am. And I would like to
thank them from the bottom of my heart, and I know that those people have gone
forward and been allies to our trans community. I would wish that would grow
exponentially and that would change the way we see the trans community now in
society. That we should be accepted as the people we are.
We are human just like everyone else.
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