Meet Madison (She/Her)

What follows is a transcript from Madison's video, which you can watch here: https://youtu.be/0Oy38CL_Zm0

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Hi, my name is Madison Poser, I'm 29 years old. My pronouns are she her. I work as a graphic designer and I am a proud transgender woman. 

Back in 2017, I was working as a graphic designer at a firm in town, and I had just lost my job and my girlfriend had just broken up with me all within like the span of a week. And so I started hanging out with my friends, Alexi, who was also unemployed at the time, so we both had a lot of free time on our hands. And if the topic came up about like gender and she had asked me if I might be transgender after I had told her about some of my desires to like wear women's clothing and how I think about it all the time, wanting to be a woman. And it took my friend asking me if I'm transgender for me to realize. That that was a possibility. Up until that point, I hadn't even considered it. 

So my friend Alexi would actually help me with shopping for women's clothing, and she helped me try on makeup and all these other feminine things. Any time I go over to her apartment, I'd get to dress up as my true self. And it was like so amazing and it made me so happy. And she would refer to me by she/her pronouns and by the name that I had chosen, which was Emma originally, because I thought it was funny, because it went with Emma Poser. It was kind of like a pun. I'm a poser, Emma Poser. So that was initially why I chose that name. But then after some time, I decided to go with Madison because I didn't want my name to be a joke my entire life. 

So, yeah, we would go shopping at thrift stores and anywhere I could find some cheap used women's clothing because I wasn't employed at the time and I would starting out, just stick to her like glue. I was terrified of being seen in the women's clothing section. But over time, it started to get easier and easier. I'd start to stray further and further away.

Eventually, I just went shopping by myself. I bought a dress by myself. And it was so like empowering. I immediately drove home and I dressed up and felt amazing for the rest of the day. It was very empowering. Yeah, there's lots of like moments, like hurdles, I guess that when you pass them, you just feel like a sense of pride in yourself. 

The first few challenges that I faced when I was first coming out, I would say were my parents. The first time that I tried on nail polish, which was like one of the first things I sort of experimented with, I came home with it on my hands and my dad saw. And his reaction wasn't the reaction I would have expected.

My entire life growing up, I thought my parents would both be like super supportive if I ever came out as gay or whatever. And so I wasn't like too worried initially. But as soon as my dad saw that, I had nail polish on. And his reaction that made me really scared to come out to him. 

I was more comfortable coming out to my mom, I actually came out to my mom pretty early on. We were both down at the dock out at our cottage, and it was just me and her. And I just started out the conversation by asking her if she knew anyone who was transgender. And she actually said yes. One of your relatives, distant relatives who lives in Sault St. Marie, is actually transgender, a trans woman.

I didn't even know they were my relative. I had never met them before. Like they were distant relative. I had met that relative like about a year later at a trans coffee meet up here in the city. And it was just really great getting to meet them. And I thought that was so cool. 

And she then asked me, why, why do you bring that up? And and then I just sort of said, well, I've been experimenting with my gender or questioning my gender a little bit. And I'm considering the fact that I may be transgender. And so that's sort of how I came out to my mom. And she was, she got fairly quiet. Yeah, sure. She wasn't sure how to process that because she wasn't expecting it. Obviously, I hid it pretty well. But over time, she she became one of my biggest supporters. And it's actually why I changed my middle name to my mom's first name. 

While I was working as a graphic designer, I didn't actually come out. I was working at an organization here in town, and that was when they had let me go. And that was when I started to experiment. But I was still working sort of freelance for them. Still going by my old name and pronouns, and I just wasn't out yet to anyone for my old job. And then I got a job offer in Ottawa for a two month contract, so I decided to go down there. I accepted that job offer and I still wasn't out. But my brother lived in Ottawa, so I saw that as an opportunity to come out to him while I was down there, because I actually lived with my brother while I was working in Ottawa. Him and his girlfriend, about a month into my contract, 

I had been continuously trying to like pump myself up to come out to my brother, and I just kept putting it off. And then one day I was at the house with his girlfriend and we were just like in the kitchen cooking something. And I decided to come out to her first because I realized that it would be good for my brother to have somebody to talk to who wasn't me about this after I've come out to him. So I came out to my brother's girlfriend and she was super supportive and she said she honestly wasn't worried about my brother reacting negatively, which really put my mind at ease. So it made a lot easier to come out to him.

One night I was just was sitting with my brother in the living room, we were playing Mario Kart and. I told them I had something important, I wanted to tell him, and I told them that I had been questioning my gender. I had this little script that I used for pretty much everybody where I'd say and I've been questioning my gender for the last few months, and I've come to the conclusion that I would be happier living my life as a woman. If you have any questions, I can answer them. I know you're going to need some time to process, but I just want you to know that things won't change too much between us. So so I pretty much told him that. 

And he he was supportive right away. He gave me a big hug, told me he'd be there for me, and that meant the world to me. So I've always sort of looked up to my brother. 

In March of 2017, that was when I first started experimenting with my gender, and then several months went by. Around August, I met with a doctor who was able to sort of help me with getting hormone replacement therapy and explaining everything about transition to me. January 17th, 2018, was the day that I started hormone replacement therapy. So it was less than a year since I realized that I was transgender, that I started transitioning.

And it was February of 2017 that I started my new job at the graphic design firm in Ottawa. I wasn't out socially at that time. I still wasn't really very feminine. And my voice was very deep. My hair was very short and actually falling out. I was like kind of going bald at the time, like early, early baldness, which was kind of terrifying. But the hormones did their work, which was which was a relief. So it actually took me a while to come out and start presenting as a woman in public.

It wasn't until I started going to school for business at Sault College, and actually my first time presenting as a woman out in the public space was at a destination wedding in Mexico. When the bride and the groom, I came out to them a couple of months before I actually went to the wedding. And they said, they encouraged me, to be myself for the wedding and wear a dress and makeup and all the other good stuff. So I did that. It was terrifying. Walking from my hotel room down to the foyer where the rest of the guests were was like the longest walk I'd ever taken.

But I had my friend Alexi there. Thankfully, she really helped me get through it. And she was like always by my side. I mean, just encouraging me and keeping me sane. So one of the biggest highs that I've ever gotten being trans was the moment that I looked in the mirror and saw a woman looking back at me. That was like the the greatest moment. And I knew that everything was going to be perfect. Everything was going to be all right. 

So there's lots of great things about being trans and being a part of this great community. The LGBT community and the trans community was one of them. I got to meet so many amazing people and they were all so supportive. Early on, I was introduced to several trans people who helped me figure out who I am and help squash any doubts I may have had about being trans and really just supported me. And I returned the favor for others trying to support them and explain to them. Sort of the same thing, answer questions and be supportive. 

So I've had some people ask me on social media, they would message me on Instagram, and most of the questions I would get are. How do I come out to people? Or like, I'm scared of coming out to people, How did you do it? And I would actually send them the little script that I had written out that I used for coming out to friends and family. 

A lot of the other questions I would get are people who just have doubts about their feelings about being trans. Where they are worried that it's just a phase or something, and I'm able to tell them that these feelings are natural. A lot of trans women have doubts. Trans men as well have these doubts. I had doubts early on as well, in the end. I'm so much happier living life as a woman and being seen as a woman and presenting as a woman. And that sort of has made me realize that I'm meant to be a woman. 

I find myself quite fortunate to be passing as a CIS. Several people have been surprised when I tell them that I'm transgender and I will never hide that fact. I try not to hide that fact. I wear pride pins and I'm very open about my transition because I find that visibility and exposure for people really helps them sort of understand what being transgender is all about, and it helps them accept it and support. And that was the case with my dad, who was not very comfortable with the whole thing early on. But as time went by, as he started to see me more and more as a woman, makeup, wearing dresses and skirts, all this other stuff, he started to come around and really understand sort of what I was going through and that this wasn't just a phase. 

I've had to remind myself several times during the pandemic that I need to provide self care for myself. Putting on makeup, even if I'm not going out, can really improve my mood. So reminding myself, even if I'm staying at home, laying in bed all day.

One of the things I would tell myself if I could go back in time would be to start applying for the surgery funding right away, because it can take a while. And you may not think you're ready right away and you don't have to be ready right away. I waited about a year before I actually applied for any surgery, and then it took almost another year for it to get approved and go through. Even if you're just starting out, but you know that you're transgender and you may want to get a surgery in the future, you should apply for it sooner. Even if you're not ready for it, because you can always cancel you don't have to go through with it if you don't feel like you want to. 

I would really love to travel. I want to see more of Canada. I've actually been considering traveling, doing a road trip along the East Coast or the West Coast and just sort of seeing what's out there and potentially finding a new place for me to move to and live, because I've lived in Sault St. Marie and I love Sault St. Marie. It's a great city. But I've lived here my entire life, and I feel like there's something else out there for me. So I really want to travel and I would love to continue to help with Pride Fest here in the city, because I became a committee member for Pride back in twenty eighteen, and I've been doing graphic design work for them. 

We created these lawn signs last year and this year, which were a big hit, and I redesigned their logo. So really just like continuing to be a part of the community and giving back. I definitely want to want to continue that. That trail. 

I would say the best bit of wisdom I can provide from my own experience transitioning is to just have patience, have patience in yourself, have patience in others. Other people may need more time to get used to the changes, and everybody transitions differently. It's a different pace for everybody. So don't feel discouraged if your transition isn't going quite as quickly as others because you'll get there.

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Meet Dianne (she/her)

What follows is a transcript from Dianne's video, which you can watch here: https://youtu.be/3FEOBZpNkUg

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My name is Diane Skoll. I’m a transgender woman. I live in Ottawa. My day job is as a software developer. I have a side hobby as a stand-up comedian. I transitioned fairly late in life. I was 48 when I started living full-time as a woman and I’ve been doing so since 2015. 

As for my identity, I’m not non-binary. I’m definitely female identifying, but I actually have a child who is non-binary so I’m fairly familiar with that aspect under the trans umbrella as well, but for myself I’ve always identified as female. Ever since I was quite small, I knew something was up. 

Well, it first started when I was about six years old and I kind of had these weird wishful almost fantasies of being a girl. And I didn't understand this. This was in the 70s. There wasn't much information, certainly not for a six year old, so I just ignored it, suppressed it, and then when puberty hit that's when it really hit me that something was different about me and so I initially assumed that I just liked to cross-dress. I didn't know why I liked it, I just knew that I liked it. And then as I got further through puberty I just put it down to like a kind of a kink or a sexual fetish and so I didn't really think about it more than that. I went through what I think are fairly typical phases of buying clothes and then purging them, sort of a fear of loathing and self-disgust, and the cycle went on a few times. And then I met somebody when I was 19 years old and we actually got married when I was 23 and I assumed that having a partner would make these feelings disappear because again I thought they were just sexual and I thought I could just get rid of them. But clearly that didn't work. I still felt urges to present female.

I had told my partner before we were married. I told her that I liked to present female but I didn't tell her that I was transgender because at that time I didn't understand that myself. Anyway we had three kids and so for about 18-19 years I just suppressed everything and then it just all blew up in a huge way, overwhelming gender dysphoria, and I had to confront the issue. And so it wasn't until my late 40s that I really understood who I was and what I had to do to live an authentic life.

Living with it was difficult because I just suppressed it for most of my married life but when I did finally accept it, I remember vividly the exact day actually it was a Christmas party in 2013 at a trans support group. I went to their party and I realized, hey this is deeper than just wearing women's clothes I’m a woman. At that point my marriage was in trouble not only because of the trans issues but for a whole bunch of other reasons. So my partner and I were seeing a marriage counselor at that time and in one of the sessions I said look, I’m a transgender woman. I’m not just a cross-dresser. And so the counselor was very taken aback and so was my wife at the time. But I had to be truthful. So I started taking steps to physically transition. I started seeing a gender therapist. I started doing hair removal laser hair removal and then I came out to my mother. My father had died in 2013, so he never knew about this. I came out to my mother and she was very shocked and surprised because I’d never given any inclination of this before as far as she could tell but she was supportive. She said, you know if that's what you are and that's what you have to do, then I’ll support you. Same with my sisters. I came out to them and they were supportive. And I finally came out to my kids who also initially were very taken aback and my youngest was quite upset because she didn't understand. She was quite young. She didn't understand what it meant. She thought I would be disappearing and some strange person coming in my place. But she quickly found out that no, I’m still the same person inside, I just look and present a little bit different. So my kids were all fine. But it was the death knell for my marriage, which was in terrible trouble anyway. And so that just killed it. So my marriage ended in October of 2014 and in April of 2015 is when I started living full-time as a woman. And I have done so since then, and I’ve done a lot of steps of medical transition as well. I know not every trans person wants to do that but for me it was fairly important to do that and I just felt so much better once I was out and living as myself

I’m very lucky and privileged in many ways. For example I’m only five foot two inches tall, so like, I can pass for female at a casual glance very easily so I’ve never had people hassle me or give me a hard time. And I realize that is not the experience for a lot of trans people, and so I feel incredibly lucky for that. The hardships mostly were my own internal fears more than anything real. So I was very worried about being read or being in physical danger when I was out. That was a huge concern for me, but as I started living full time and realized that people weren't paying attention to me, I was kind of invisible which is the way I like it, that fear subsided.

My divorce was like incredibly acrimonious and stressful and awful. So that was a real hardship. But I think that would have happened anyway, transition or not. So it did add stress but I don't think it was caused by the fact that I was trans. 

To get over the fear of interacting with people I said well what's the scariest thing I could do and I decided to take an improv course where I would have to interact spontaneously with people up close. And I loved it was awesome. And so that was a huge joy, discovering this part of life that I really liked. And just being able to be myself and have friends who knew me as myself was a huge joy. And the absence of the crushing gender dysphoria that I had experienced was amazing. That was like as if I’d had like a terrible terrible pain - chronic pain - all my life and it suddenly was lifted. It was amazing.

Well my cat gets me out of bed, so that's an easy one. I think my guiding principle in life is just to try to be good to other people and try to enjoy life as much as possible. If anything, the pandemic has shown that life can be very unpredictable. So you might as well make the best of it while you can. So I try to be positive. I try to have fun and enjoy my life and do things I like.

I’m lucky enough that I actually really enjoy my day job as well so that's a big positive. That hugely motivates me to get out of bed every morning. So my day job is, I’m a software developer. I actually didn't study that. I studied electrical engineering, but I wound up in software and I’ve been doing that for about 31 years I guess. For 19 years I owned my own company. We did anti-spam products and services and I grew it from just me to 12 people. I sold that company back in 2018. The market had changed and it just didn't look like there was much growth potential. And since then I’ve been doing contract, software development contracts for various other companies.

I don't know that I really had a clear picture of what it would be like when I when I started out. I knew a lot of trans people because I belonged to an organization called gender mosaic. So I saw all these different trans people and how their transitions had played out, and they were all pretty different. Some people had a very easy time of it, some people didn't. Some people were happy afterwards, some people were not for various reasons. So I didn't really know what to expect when I started out and I didn't have a clear picture. As it evolved I realized that I’m much happier. That's huge. I’m way happier now that I’ve transitioned. 

I also, it's funny, I started out wanting to be like super feminine presenting. I hated my voice so I actually took singing lessons to improve my range and try to get the pitch up and sound more feminine, but as I grew more comfortable in my transition I kind of stopped worrying about that. I realized you know what I’m happy in my life. This is who I am. If my voice betrays me then fine, I’m okay with that. I can live with it. Just because changing my voice drastically when I was speaking to people that I knew felt really really weird. I felt really strange doing that.

So to answer the original question what did I expect versus how did it turn out, I didn't really have many expectations but it's turned out for me really positively.

I don't dream about trends related stuff in the future anymore because I’m in a pretty good place as far as that goes. So basically I have opportunities for a couple of long-term contracts that I’ll actually find out about next week. So I’m hopeful I’ll get one of those. So that'll be my work life settled. I want to advance in comedy, like I have done paid comedy on a weekend at a club so I’m not totally amateur, but I’m nowhere near what you would consider professional or well-known, but I’d like to get better at comedy and kind of advance in that world as well. I’d like to travel. 

I have a partner. we have a very good relationship so I’d like to keep building that. I don't know that I’d ever want to get married again, but I do like being in a relationship with somebody.

What I would tell my 10 year old - 10 year ago self, would be get out of this marriage ASAP! It's toxic! So that's the first thing. And also, I would say to myself that, don't be so afraid of transitioning. It's not a leap off a cliff. It's not going to destroy your life, it's actually going to be a positive, so just have the courage to take that step.

I don't know what I tell myself 10 years from now, but I would say well I hope you had a good life and fun and did well in your work and your comedy and had a good relationship.

Trans people are at heart pretty much like everybody else. I don't think being trans is a mental illness. I don't believe that at all. I think it may well be a brain difference, but I don't think it's a defect. I think it's just a difference. And so I would want people to know that despite all the things in the news about how bad things are for trans people, and how much we suffer, which I’m not trying to minimize because all of that is true, there are a lot of trans people who are happy and leading productive, meaningful lives. And that doesn't get covered in the news because, you know, the news is "if it bleeds it leads" otherwise we're not interested. 

And I’d also want people to just chill on some of the hot button issues like just chill about the whole trans people and sports issue and the bathroom issues and all the cultural war issues that are going on. Because in reality those things are not a problem. Nobody dresses up as a woman to go into a woman's washroom to assault a woman. That's ridiculous. Just look at the reality. Look at the statistics and calm down.

So after I did improv I did quite a lot of improv for a few years. I decided to try stand-up comedy. I thought, well that's also performing and I really like performing. So I did stand-up comedy. About five years ago was my first set and I discovered I loved that even more than improv. The first time I got a laugh, it was a huge shot of adrenaline and endorphins, so I’ve been doing comedy not as a profession obviously, but as a hobby, for about five years, and I love it. I’ve done stand up in clubs all over Ottawa. I’ve done stand-up on zoom, so all over the world. And at first I didn't do trans-related material because I didn't know how people would react. I just did observational comedy. Then I decided to do trans-related material and it worked really well because I think when you do comedy about real things in your life you can make it much funnier. And in a sense being trans is kind of funny and weird. It's a lot of things, but it's also strange and funny. So I had a huge vein of material that I could mine for that.

And so I found people really enjoyed that. I had a lot of positive feedback about it. And I’m not really activist - you know I don't do - I support trans rights but I’m not really vocal about marching and that sort of thing. That's just not my personality. But I find that when you get a room full of people laughing with you who may not know a trans person - may never have met a trans person - they realized, hey this is... she's just like anyone else not some strange creature to be feared, but just like anyone else. And I think that actually goes a long way to helping trans visibility and helping people understand that we're just normal people with one slight difference.

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The Space Between

Life has a way of finding balance. 

You have heard it said that Nature abhors a vacuum.

In the space between male and female, there are those who would have us believe there is nothing; that these are only the binary ends. There are those who would have us believe there is only a vacuum in between, but, as Voyager is showing us, even where we think there is nothing, there is something. Those of us who are non-binary are living proof that there is definitely something in the space between the binary.

In fact, there are many genders that fill the space between the binary ends of the gender spectrum. We are the LGBTQ+ community, and we have been around for as long as there have been the binary poles. 

Those who do not believe we have always been here are actually part of the reason we have remained unseen - a self fulfilling prophecy if you will. The stigma placed upon being queer has made it a difficult place in which to live. So, as a matter of safety and social acceptance, many choose not to disclose their identity, making us all more invisible. 

It is no surprise, then, that in this time of growing understanding and protection of LGBTQ+ people, we are seeing more people “coming out”, because they feel safer to do so. 

This is not a trend. There are not suddenly more LGBTQ people being somehow "created". We have always been here. We have always existed. Many just chose not to see us, and many of us chose not to be seen. Now, however, we are feeling more comfortable with sharing who we really are, and so you are starting to see more of us.

Living in the space between gives those of us in the non-binary universe a unique perspective on those living at the poles; one that I believe can benefit all of humanity, helping us find balance and beauty in the entire spectrum and bridging the gap between. In fact, to silence our voices actually hurts all of us. Non-binary people have been forced to listen to the cis-normative narrative their entire lives, and many of the struggles we face are deeply rooted in the shame of not being what people think we should be. The vast range of identities in the spectrum of LGBTQ persons can actually bring balance to the views of cis-binary individuals who are deeply divided by their own gender, creating issues such like hyper radical feminism and misogyny. The narratives and views of the LGBTQ+ community can actually help us bridge the gap and ease the tension that exists between those binary poles.

By learning about, accepting and including those in the space between, we now have a means to unite humanity - and keep us united. We become less polarized and more unified because the bridge between demonstrates that we are all essentially connected. Diversity is no longer seen as diluting the whole, but rather our diversity COMPRISES the whole.

If you find yourself strongly defending the binary, take a moment to ask yourself why? What is it about making sure everyone conforms to the binary that is so important? You are perfectly happy being binary, but what about those in between? Should they be less content? Ask yourself, what can I learn from someone who is gender non-conforming?

And if you yourself are gender non-conforming, love yourself! You are important! You are special, and you have a place of honour in this world. You are the glue that can bind the binary together and make us whole again. Ask yourself, how can I contribute to a better world? How can I help others see through my eyes?

You are all special, binary and non-binary alike. You are valued and needed.

Love you all!

Cary

Meet Jennifer (L) (She/Her)

What follows is a transcript from Jennifer's video, which you can watch here: https://youtu.be/rxHC2cAZwn4

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Hi, my name is Jennifer Anastasia Levine. My pronouns are her and she. I am an IT Technician by trade. I received my credentials in 2005 I think it was, without looking on them. I just got them changed over last year to my new name and so far it's been pretty good. 

Photo by: FOTOGRAFIA INC

When I was 10 I told the doctor I wanted to wear girls clothes and they put me in a youth facility in Kitchener/Waterloo called Lutherwood, and there some bad stuff happened. But however, that's behind me. The worst part of it was over by the time I was 14, with Lutherwood, Mom found out what was going on at Lutherwood and pulled me out of there as fast as she put me in. I moved forward. At 15 I met some people at a center in Guelph called “change now” and one of the girls knew somebody in Toronto at the 519 and they introduced me to her, and she got me a meeting at the Clark Institution (I believe that's what it was back then in the 90s) The Clark Institution gave me a pamphlet on all the stuff I had to do to transition in the beginning, so I took that, read over it. Well I was only 15 at the time, so ultimately this was no good for me because I had to wait till I was 18.

Before I came out it was a single parent family, three girls, one boy, and I don't know where that boy is now. He's somewhere but I don't know where he is. And he was off doing everything by himself. And I’m self-taught, so everything I've learned, I taught myself, including my makeup.

It wasn't all at once. There are people that knew in the beginning and people that didn't know. A little bit of experimenting here and there and everywhere; that's just the way it came in. It just, it flowed. Kind of flowed that way. 

Party in Toronto made my life so much better. It helped me come to terms with some of the stuff that I was dealing with. It made me feel more comfortable being in that situation, because I had the support from people acknowledging that it was cool. I wasn't doing something stupid. I was considered cool to wear makeup. Like, for me to get up on stage as a DJ and put a dress on, man I’m rocking it, I’m cool, I’m the DJ that they want to hear, because I’m playing the tracks that they want to hear. So, I can. It doesn't matter how I look on stage. 

I still get on stage and I get cheered for, no matter how I look. So that whole community was a big support to me, and I've been DJing since I was 12. I got into it to get away from drinking, the law, and doing stupid stuff and it was an outlet for me. And it still is an outlet for me. I worked for four of the main… four of the biggest clubs in Toronto, downtown Toronto. I was made. I didn't have any problems with anybody. People knew me from the club. They knew I was DJ smiles. (Now I’m DJ Linus and DJ DSG) I had a good job. I had a good life. 

When I was 38, I went to Dr Tom and I came out to him. The day I went to Dr Tom's office, I was sitting outside having a cigarette, I was just shaking and I said okay, you remember that thing I said I had to talk to you about Dr Tom? He's like, it's time? I said yeah, it's time. I said, you see my skinny jeans, right? He's like, yeah. Doesn't say nothing about it because guys wear skinny jeans. Well, I said my jeans are women's. The only thing I’m wearing right now is my coat, my hat, and my t-shirt. Those are the only things that are men's. My shoes, my underwear, everything is women's. I said, normally I wear a bra, except for when I go out and stuff, and I, and he was like yeah. Like I said, he said that explains a lot. 

And when I talked to Dr Tom, when I came out to him. I’m like please don't look at me like I’m crazy because I know I’m not and I know this is a thing. And I know. He's like, that's good, okay? Well and then he started talking to me about Dr Maras..., I believe it's Marasala, and she works at the Quest clinic in St Catharines, and he wanted to get us connected with Quest. Well, after three months of Quest not calling us back, I took it upon myself to go on the internet and I went to the Sherburne clinic in Toronto. I got the pamphlet on how to prescribe hormones and blockers to transgender patients. I read over it, before taking it to Dr Tom and I gave it to Dr Tom. Dr Tom goes, okay let me read over it. And in a few days, I had my prescription for hormones. 

And in 2000 I moved to Niagara which made it better on me. I didn't have to hide myself where I had to hide myself in Guelph because it was homophobic as you would say, and it wasn't. Getting out of Guelph and being in Niagara has been a pretty good thing for me, and I don't think I would be where I’m at without Dr Tom. He deserves a high five. So, I think he jumped into this with no knowledge.

I wasn't waiting. I had name change papers signed, put in the mail, on its way, six to eight weeks my name was coming back to me. Dr Tom signed off on it. I went from Jeffrey Thomas Michael Burke to Jennifer Anastasia Levine. I took on my father's last name because my last name Burke was not my last name. It was my older sister's last name, who my mom was married to her father and not mine. So, I took my father's last name and I said to myself anytime I got a chance my name I would take my dad's last name. And I did that. 

Yeah, my coming-out story… My Mom is a superhero. She called me from the hospital, she's like yeah, they just asked me who my next of kin was and they said Jeffrey Burke, and she's like, no, my daughter Jennifer Levenne. And she just calls me up, she's like yeah, I just called you my daughter, and yeah, best part ever. My mom knew because I had all the clothes, and she was always telling me to throw them out. Except with mom, mom's like my bestie. She's been there my entire life. She still lives with me and we get along real well best roommate in the world. So mom, superhero mom, high five.

My mom is my supporter, she's my bestie. Can't talk to her about some stuff. When I mention surgery, she kind of tilts away from it, but now that I’m getting to my surgery letters, she's now gonna face it, that I’m gonna be laying in bed and she's gonna have to help me and what not. And she can't do a lot because she's got a bad back and stuff. So I’m trying to find ways around surgery to not be in bed as much as I’m supposed to and be able to get out of bed. 

So, yeah, I used to go till three, four or five o'clock in the morning. As soon as I heard those birds chirping, I knew I had to get home, because Mom knew I wasn't home. She'd kill me. And I’m afraid of my mom! She scares me. And to this day, my Mom scares me. 

Well the girls were great, because boys weren't allowed in the bedroom but the parents knew that I was raised with all sisters, so they knew I wouldn't do anything because my mom would kill me. I would go over to their house, have sleepover movie night, whatever on the weekend, Mom would get rid of me for a night, right, so she was happy for that, and it was just like, let's put makeup on him. So okay, whatever. Right? After a while, it just became a thing with me, and I could walk down the hall and go in their bedroom, but their boyfriend was at the house and he couldn't even go down the hallway. He was pissed.

I had a girlfriend that… I bought my kilt for St James, my knee-highs and my blouse. But I had it at a girlfriend's house and I would go to their house and change in the morning and wear my kilt to school. 

Over the couple of years being in Niagara, I didn't have anybody to talk to. Mom was in Winnipeg the past two months. I met Steven. Thank you Steven, high five. For shits and giggles I put an ad on a photography site for Toronto, explaining I’m a transgender model looking for a photographer to help me build my portfolio. Because I modeled from the time I was 12 to the time I was 14, or 10 till 14, and Mom always had me busy with my sisters figure skating, modeling, yeah, I did everything the girls did, pretty much, except for hockey. And Steven, I met Steven. We did the first photo shoot paid me $60 for three hours of my time, which was to me, I really didn't care about money. I just cared about photos, and I met Steven, and Steven took the first photo shoot, and we did the first photo shoot, I think, three months ago. 

Ultimately Steven went home, and he was looking over the new photos, and he sent me a link. This link with my photo on a website. And when I started going over the website and seeing what it was all about, and I was reading about it, and I was seeing that they're transitioning later on in life, I started reading over more to see what kind of information that they gave and they give pretty much accurate information, how to start and do your transition, and how to go about things. There are some things that were there that I had access to, like PFlag - high five to PFlag. 

I've talked to some other female models in Toronto, that I’m supposed to meet in the summertime for my birthday, hopefully, if COVOD is gone. And because of Steven, my life is moving in a different direction. And it all extends from me putting that out on Facebook in a modeling group. So ultimately Steven has given me a new reasoning of get out of bed. High five Steven! 

Ultimately, it's because of Steven, I've been given that reason to get out of bed now, and I've been given more energy, and I've been getting the adrenaline that I had when I was in clubs and feeling good, the way I felt like I was back on stage 

My biggest dream for the future is marriage, a happy life, to get my son back, who was taken from me when I came out. Yeah my son is a big part of my life seeing him again would be probably the best. That's the biggest thing I've been fighting over, with my anxiety and my depression, is my son, because just the smallest thing set me off. I would tell my son that, you know what? Dad is still here I’m still Jeffrey Thomas Michael Burke to you. And the day I told my son I changed my name, I explained to him that I wasn't happy and when I told him he was like dad as long as you're happy. That's all that matters, and this flows back into where I said if you want to talk to my mom because my mom will say, she asked my son the same thing and he says as long as dad's happy. 

I had an issue at Tim Hortons one time. Out of respect for the two older ladies that were there I went into the men's bathroom and said women's because I knew the old ladies would go and complain. So I went in the men's bathroom and three kids came in, threw stuff over and caused a problem, and said I was making noises. Yeah, I was making noises. I was taking a poop! 

Ultimately I've had issues with the bathroom but I’m not gonna let that hamper me! Please let me use the bathroom. All I wanna do is go pee. 

Man I even got stopped in Guelph by a cop that busted me when I was a teenager and he ran - he thought I was smoking a joint in my car. I was sitting downtown Guelph having a cigarette. I just drove to Guelph in the middle night for coffee. That was it. I sat downtown Guelph having a cigarette in my car before I go back to St Catherines and, cop pulls in, thought I was smoking a joint, comes up to my car and he's like, ma'am, err, can you please sit up? And I said... I sit up. He goes, Mr Burt? I says no it's Miss Levenne. He thought my id was fake because I hadn't received my birth certificate back yet. My driver's license was changed to my new name but it didn't have my gender change so he thought my id was fake. 

How can people help? People can help by not calling me sir. They can stop calling me he. They can stop referring to me as male pronouns and treat me as an equal, letting me use the women's bathroom. I am not going in there to do anything else but do my business. So that's what people can do to help 

I am set on my goals. I've been battling addiction. I have been dealing with issues from my life, childhood, and stuff that's happened to me over the years; bad things, evil things. And I've been... since finding my boyfriend Alex, I have come to accept some of the stuff that's gone in my past and throw it out there. I've been working with my psychiatrist to find things like; I have ADD. There's been so much that I've come to acknowledge and accept. 

From the day that Dr Tom signed my name change forms, I dropped that dress on. I didn't care what people thought or what they looked... I put that dress on and I went out. Hair, no hair, makeup, no makeup, I put my dress on, went out, dropped my forms in the mail, took a picture, posted it. And it's been fine sailing. So I don't see any challenges in my near future. I see battling infections and stuff from surgery as a possibility. But I I’m looking at that as hopefully Dr Tom will get me a PSW worker that can help me get up and out of bed, because alex can't lift me, because he's had back surgery. And my mom can't lift me up. So, I’m gonna need help getting up out of bed when I come home from the hospital. And that's about the only challenge I see that I faced. 

I started my transition and the best thing I could have ever done for myself. 

Peace, love, unity, and respect. Four words I've learned over the years that I live by, which is what everybody deserves, including myself, and I wish people would do that for all of us, every day, when they see us.

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Meet Stefanie (she/her)

What follows is a transcript from Stefanie's video, which you can watch here: https://youtu.be/R6j6S2Z57qY

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So, my name is Stefanie Pest. My pronouns are she/her and I live in Essex, Ontario, Canada. I have been working in the automotive industry for 37 years.

I was born an assigned male at birth. Nobody asked me anything as a baby and the only thing that doctors, you know, assign sex with, is your private parts. Nobody asked me if I was transgender, which I found out later in life, much later in life, that I am a transgender woman.

My identity became known to me when I was 46 years old, which was 12 years ago. However, when I was seven, I realized that I just didn't fit into a boy role in society. That was a struggle for me for me for my entire life until I discovered that I was trans.

I would seek out women's clothes just to express myself in a female way, which was very helpful in my understanding of who I am.

I was born in the 60s, so society at that time frowned upon, you know, something other than what you see.

Through puberty it became more intense, that I wasn't really a male. And it was difficult to, you know, function. And that was never revealed to anybody. I went through all the male rituals, pretty much pretending, but that was expected of me, a young teenage boy, then later a man. It was expected of me to marry a woman, have children and so forth.

And through all that time it was a struggle. It's like something I thought I would have to live with forever, which was very despairing. But then internet came, and you find out things; that you're not alone, that other people are struggling too. So, my gender identity as a trans woman became evident to me. My bell was rung, and you can't un-ring a bell.

So, I am married, and I told my wife that moment I found out. She looked at me and said, "my dear, I knew that." She knew before I did, and she became very, very supportive of me. It was very difficult for both of us to go through that process but it's very, very critical that you have this communication between partners that you're sharing your life with. That was the key to our success and in our marriage, we are still married, and we love each other so much.

So, coming out as a trans woman was not immediate. This was back in 2008 when I realized that I was a trans woman and, what to do? What is the next step? Next step was, I need to transform my body. So, you search for ways to do that.

I chose to do things on my own because I was not sure society would accept who I am authentically. And so, I didn't go to a doctor and I decided to self-medicate with phytoestrogen. These are herbal pills that mimic estrogen and they were helpful because before that I was, you know, because of my depression I would have antidepressant drugs and they never ever work. But when I started taking phytoestrogens it seemed to make, you know, a change that... a change occurred. A good change. I felt more content with myself.

But it was not enough. I always wanted more. And so, it came to a point where I did have to go to a doctor, and they prescribed pharmaceutical estrogen. I went to see an endocrinologist who I'd been saying before because I suffered from prolactinoma which is a tumor in your pituitary that produces prolactin which is a female hormone that women produce when they're pregnant. So, it was an indicator that maybe yes this is for sure valid; my identity is as a woman.

When I started those estrogen, that hormone therapy, I noticed a magnificent change. I became more content with myself and my life changed dramatically. But I was still not out to the world I was only out to my wife Michelle and I have two boys that were in school and we were in an empty nest situation. And so, it was easy for me to be Stefanie at home, but in the world in a society I was still my former male self.

It came to a point where I did feel confident enough to come out. I came out to my children. My oldest was married so there were three and we got them together. And we this was on a Victoria Day in 2016 that I came out to them and they were very supportive. But when they discovered that I had known I was trans back in 2008 they became sad because I had to hide this from them.

In hindsight I probably didn't have to. I knew that I had the love of my children and that they would be supportive. And then I decided, oh I must do more, always more, and I started electrolysis and laser treatments to remove my facial hair, my body hair, to be more feminine

Yeah so, the beginning of my coming out actually had a signal that I was ready to come out.

There was a survey produced at our plant that wanted to find out about the makeup of our worker workforce, you know, male, female, religion, and all that stuff. And so, when it came down to the form saying, you know, your gender, I kind of was wondering what to put there. I wasn't completely out so I decided to go see our women's advocate, which was unusual for a male to go see somebody like that. But they were very, very supportive and um I didn't know if I was the first one that came up with this but they told me that it was perfectly fine to put whatever I feel comfortable putting on that form. So, I made a new line and I put trans woman and that felt so so freeing, to do that, exposing myself to a survey which is a private matter. But for me to do that was a big step and that was actually only a month before I told my kids and I think that might have been the trigger that I was ready to come out and face the world as Stefanie. a trans woman, so then I decided to actually come out on my birthday July 7th.

I went to the commissioner. Here in Ontario, it's required to give an oath to say that you are changing your name, changing your gender, and I did that on my birthday in 2016. I came out to my co-workers at Chrysler a few weeks after that. We had a shutdown and I told him the day before that when we come back from our vacation that I will have transformed from a male to a female. And I had much, much support from my coworkers and I was gladdened by that. That was another stigma that we have in the trans community that we're not accepted, and I was very, very fortunate that the people around me supported me in that way.

So, the other thing while I was at the women's advocate and discussing my gender identity with them, they told me that I was not the first. There was a trans man that had come out maybe a year before I did. And they suggested that I contact this person because they were running a peer-to-peer support group for trans people in Windsor called trans spectrum. And I was shocked, you know, I was overjoyed that there was somebody else that was going through the same thing I am.

And so, I decided to reach out to this person and attend these meetings that they had. I think it was once a month that we would go to and other trans people would come and we would, you know, relate our experiences, you know, being trans in our community. And that was the start of a wonderful friendship.

It also was the beginning of my advocacy because listening to other trans people, and this was my first exposure to other trans people, I had no exposure previous to that at all, and I was amazed at how privileged I am, that I didn't go through some of the discrimination and prejudice that most trans people experienced. My decision at that point was I have a voice that may help my own community; my new community that I’m a part of, that I could speak and have that courage to do that for others that do not have that ability with the privilege, the white privilege that I have, the privilege of a really good job, a loving supportive family, this is not a common occurrence in our trans community. And that needs to change.

In our trans community we have people that are not able to speak for themselves because of the stigma that we face in society right now. We are dependent on the majority of the population, which is the cis population,

those are people that are assigned a sex at birth and are content with that, as opposed to trans people and gender diverse people that are not. We need the cis population to educate themselves. We need them to advocate and become allies for the trans community at levels that most people don't wish to do, to protect the, you know, the most vulnerable in our society. I’m not just talking about trans people, but people living with disabilities. There's so many people that require these barriers to be taken down so that our society can flourish.

I am so happy to be a part of the family that I am in. My wife Michelle has been by my side since the very beginning of my trans journey and I want to thank her for being such a loving partner to me and my children, Michael, Courtney, Patrick. That they have been so supportive of me and they still call me dad, because that's who I am. And I can't express it enough how much love I have for them that they are part of my journey.

I would like to say that through my coming out only five years ago that the people that I have met I have created an extended chosen family that has shown me love and respect of who I am. And I would like to thank them from the bottom of my heart, and I know that those people have gone forward and been allies to our trans community. I would wish that would grow exponentially and that would change the way we see the trans community now in society. That we should be accepted as the people we are.

We are human just like everyone else.

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Meet Jennifer (she/her)

What follows is a transcript from Jennifer's video, which you can watch here: https://youtu.be/1hGAUlQDkQA

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Hi, my name is Jennifer.

I am 54 years old, from St Catharines, Ontario, and I am a proud transgender woman. This is my fiancée Evelyn, and we are engaged to be married next may. 

I identify as bisexual. I am attracted to both men and women. 

After coming out I joined a women's group that was incredibly accepting here in Niagara. About a year after joining the women's group, I was asked by the founder of the group if I would become a moderator, which is someone who helps with the group itself, hosts events, sometimes fills in for the founder of the group when she couldn't be at the meetings. At one point the founder of the group became pregnant and she asked me would I run the group while she was off on maternity leave and dealing with her child. This gave me the unique opportunity to host these groups for a period of time, and during that time, one of the meetings, Evelyn came in. 

Because I was made to feel welcome, I felt it was my responsibility to pass that on and make everyone else feel as welcome when they first come into the group. So I always made it a habit of spending some time speaking to that person that just came in for the first time because I know it's terrifying. So I made it a point to speak to her and make her feel comfortable as possible and I kind of had this feeling inside that hey we kind of connect on a certain level. And she kept coming for about another three or four weeks and I actually came home from a meeting one night and I spoke to my mom and I said, I think I met a woman that I’m very interested in I think I might actually ask her out.

The funny thing is a few weeks before that I had basically given up on dating. I actually announced to the group that I'm done I’m not going to ask anyone else out ever again, I’m not going to put my heart out there ever again because I had it crushed. But I came home and I told my mom I think I might ask her out for a coffee. And literally that Sunday - we meet on Tuesday nights, I was gonna ask her that Tuesday night - on Sunday Evelyn called me and said would you like to go out for a coffee? And so she beat me to the punch. It was funny. We went out for coffee and it was like two school girls, but we were laughing and giggling so much at each other we were both so nervous and that's basically all that happened right and so we talked a little bit and we kind of hit it off. And then we started going out afterwards on a couple of dates, and then finally we went to Niagara Falls for dinner one night and walked down to the falls, and that was the first time we kissed and it's been wonderful ever since that day. And last September the love of my life asked me to marry her and so this has been an incredibly (I know it's been difficult because of COVID but) last year was a wonderful year because my wife, my future wife asked me to marry her. So I’m very happy about that. 

I realized that there was something different about me at a very young age, I would say probably maybe eight or nine years old I realized that I was different from all the other boys as it were. I didn't quite fit in. I was always more interested in what girls were doing and what they had to do. I think the first time I realized something was different was going to school one day at the very first day of school and realizing that, hey all these girls look so pretty and wearing pretty clothes and it's like I’m just wearing jeans and a shirt, and I’m going I wish I could wear what they were wearing. And I think that's one of the first inklings I had that something was a little different with me. 

I grew up in a Catholic family and was going to Catholic school and Catholic high school and always realized there was something a little bit different about me but couldn't quite identify what it was and back in those days you never heard the word transgender in school especially a Catholic school the word just simply never came up. And it was very difficult for me growing up because I didn't have anyone to go to - to turn to - and to find out why do I feel so different inside. And that caused a lot of pain, a lot of suffering and I realized that I was very attracted to the female sides of things that I didn't really fit in with the boys that much. 

As I got older I kind of did a little bit more research and found out that there were people that didn't identify with the sex that they were born with that their gender was different and kind of understood a little bit more about what I was. And it did make it tough. We went to church every single week and there always seemed to be every so often this sermon in regards to how the gays and people who identify as transgender are abominations in the eyes of God and this made me very confused because I thought well how can I be an abomination of God? God creates everybody in a certain way and here I am being told that because of how I feel inside that I’m not rocking by God. And this led to suicidal thoughts as a teenager, in fact on two separate occasions I grabbed a bunch of pills and a bottle of alcohol and was gonna end my life on at least two or three different occasions. I got perilously close to doing so but I’m very glad that I did not, because life got better eventually. 

I suppressed these feelings as much as I could but every so often I would engage these feelings. I would go out and buy clothing and try it on and it just felt so wonderful to do so. And wasn't anything sexual but it just felt like this is what I believe I should be I’m definitely feel like I’m a girl. And I had to suppress these feelings because of the school I was going to, the people that I live with, my parents, I didn't feel comfortable coming out to them, then life kind of got in the way. And I met a woman, got married to her, had a child, did the whole life thing, tried to present as male as best as I could, I even joined a service group that was all men and tried to be - tried to give back to the community and the funny thing about it was is that I did this and I worked with a lot of young folks and I used to teach kids how to umpire baseball games believe it or not. And it was always the female empires that I seem to take the most care for, and I realized as I like I felt this way inside.

And eventually it got to the point that when I was approximately 50 years old, I had a life crisis a life-threatening crisis I had been diagnosed about 10 years earlier with type 2 diabetes and everything was going well I was in good health and then all of a sudden everything went to heck in a hand basket. And my health started deteriorating. I couldn't keep my sugars under control. My stomach was always hurting. I had all kinds of pain in my abdomen, and my doctor couldn't figure out what was going on. And after about three to six months of suffering with his pain and with the high blood sugars, he sent me to a specialist who diagnosed me with a rare type of diabetes which probably nobody's heard of. It's called diabetes 1.5 or also known as LADA which is Latent Autoimmune onset of Diabetes in Adults. And it's an autoimmune disease that mimics diabetes too but it's actually slightly different and it almost killed me. It was threatening to kill me at least. 

My pancreas was being attacked by the insulin that I was taking and um I was at a point where if it had continued much longer, I could have gotten to the point where my pancreas couldn't have recovered. And that kind of shook me and I realized at that point that all these feelings that I had inside that I’ve been suppressing, it's over I had to be happy I needed to start living my life the way I wanted to. All my life I felt that I kept this hidden and down and anyone who would talk to me would say that there was always this thing underneath the surface that I was hiding from people, and that I didn't seem happy. That I didn't seem... I had anger issues, I didn't seem happy, I didn't seem like... I didn't like myself, I don't know how other people could have liked me at that point. 

So finally I decided that it was time to come out to the world in the fall of 2017 I started coming out to my family and on February 17, 2018, a day I picked intentionally because it's my birthday, I had what I called my rebirth day, and I identified myself to the world as Jennifer for the first time ever and started living as female from that date forward. And it was the happiest day of my life. My family totally accepted me when I came out which has made my life very comfortable and to celebrate I went out and got my hair done that day had my makeup done and my family took me out to the mandarin for lunch that day. It was a very, very special day. 

I came out to my bosses at work about two weeks earlier telling them that I would be coming out as female after February 17th. And my bosses were very accepting and so much so that my boss sent me flowers the first day that I came to work as Jennifer, so they have been behind me 100% right from the start, which has made things very easy for me. 

When I decided to come out, I know a lot of women will wait until they can somewhat pass as female before they came out, but I decided I couldn't wait. I couldn't wait till I passed, so I came out right away and I know I didn't come anywhere close to passing as female and of course it made it difficult walking down the street and going to supermarkets and whatnot and getting the stares, getting the dirty looks, getting the comments. But I was taught by my mother to always walk with your head held high and a smile on your face so um I’ve always had that in my heart, is that despite all the odd looks just keep walking. You know you're a woman, you know it inside, just keep walking and own it. Be yourself. Always be yourself. And I don't care that I didn't pass I was proud to be transgender and yeah eventually the hormones kicked in and the hair started growing in and I started liking the woman that I seen in the mirror a lot more and I started giving her a lot more smiles as the days went on.

[Evelyn] She's had she's had her rough days. She's had her good days, she's had her bad. I do my best to keep her focused. And I try to keep her, like, I just try to calm her, and like, I always tell her that you're a wonderful person or you you're, you know, you're special. You know, I just try to help her through what she has, the rough time, rough days. 

[Jennifer] Part of that roughness was suffering constant delays in my gender confirmation surgery. I was eligible for surgery almost a year and a half ago and unfortunately my endocrinologist was at the point of retiring and as such I had asked him to send the letter to the government in order to fund my confirmation surgery. And on three separate occasions over a period of seven months he had failed to do so. And so I was getting depressed because it felt like I was never going to get this surgery. And Evelyn helped me through these depressive moments and it was really, really bad. And it was tough because it's like, it felt like it was taking forever to get it. And finally my psychiatrist got involved and basically pushed him in order to get the letter written and my psychiatrist also wrote to Montreal in order to kind of ask them hey listen this woman's been waiting for seven months for this doctor to send the paperwork in is there any way that you can rush her surgery through because she shouldn't be penalized because this doctor didn't do his job. And so they did. But guess what, COVID hit, and so it delayed everything again, and so a surgery that I should have had over a year and a half ago only got done last month. So it was a rough time there was very dumb times and Evelyn to help me through it.

[Evelyn] Yeah because a lot of the words I says, it'll come there's always an obstacle. Obstacles always stop something. Like, but it will go through. It's just going to take time and then, like, the same thing I said because COVID showed up it's just delaying, delaying, delaying, delaying, but I just kept telling her it'll come, it'll come, it'll come.

[Jennifer] And yeah. And it did and she was right. 

My life is wonderful. My work is going very well we're very busy at work and I’ve never had any issues with any of our customers. Most of my customers... I work in customer service so I speak directly to all of the customers for our company throughout all of the United States, Canada, Europe. And they've all been very accepting all of them know basically that I’ve come out. 

I had one of our customers one time send me an email and she referred to me as man in the email and I said, I was having a very bad day that day, and I basically replied back or said, thank you for the email and especially thank you for the ma'am I really needed that today. And she goes, well of course you need that! I have a transgender brother and I know what kind of crap they go through, and she goes, I am behind you 100%, and if anybody has any issues, send them my way! I’ll give them a throat punch for you. So that was wonderful. 

So all of our customers, all my customers that I deal with I’ve been very accepting. Life has been wonderful and it seems to be getting better all the time. I have family members that have been very supportive. I have a biological son from my first marriage, and I have a chosen son, who is transgender and he's a very big part of my life and um he is going to be part of our wedding party, so I have a lot of interesting people in my life that make it worth living and make me very happy to be in the community that I’m in. 

Probably the biggest dream, and everybody knows that talks to me, is to eventually build a gay commune on a big farm somewhere and have all of my friends come and live with us. But probably the most important dream to me is to grow older with this woman. We don't never say grow old because we don't want to grow old, we just want to get older. And just try to meet as many wonderful interesting people as I can. Hopefully to share my experience as a trans woman with other people to hopefully give them hope for the future. And to try and live as authentically as I can myself. And be out there. Hopefully as an example as to how wonderful being trans can be. 

I would probably want to remind myself in the future that, you are worthy of love. That you deserve the love that you're receiving. That you are a likeable person. That you are a lovable person. And that the love that you're receiving is because of the person that you are. And that you deserve to be happy, finally, in your life. You deserve this happiness. 

My future, I would say, is very bright. I’m waiting to become a grandmother. I’m trying to convince my two sons to get busy and to try and fulfill that. But other than that I’m... basically I’m at a place where I’m incredibly happy and I’m hoping that stays the same for the rest of my life. I’ve just recently had gender confirmation surgery. In fact just a month ago yesterday I had gender confirmation surgery. I am at a place where I am now comfortable with my body. I am very happy. I basically just want to grow old with this woman and I want to hopefully spread the love that I’ve been given by all these other people as far as I can spread it. So that is what I’m hoping for the future.

Always come from a place of love in your heart. Always think about the person first that you're speaking to because the words that you can say can really hurt people. And we need to make sure that when you talk to somebody, it's always from a place of love and not from a place of hurt. Just because you have certain beliefs doesn't mean that those beliefs have to be pushed on to other people. 

Trans people exist. We deserve to exist. We're not going to be erased and just because you have certain beliefs doesn't mean that your beliefs have to affect my life in any way shape or form. I’m just trying to exist, trying to be happy. I’m not going to push my values on you. I don't need your values to be pushed on to me. I have a right to exist. 

The best way that people could help me is just to be supportive of the trans community. I’ve had a lot of love and support but I know there's a lot of trans women and trans men out there and non-binary people that don't have the love and support of their family or their friends. In fact my trans son doesn't have the support of his mother and so these people need help. These people need support and so if you see somebody suffering try to be there for them. Try to be that person that they can go to and share their feelings with. And open up to them. Try to be there to support others because even if you have it good and easy not everybody's in that same boat. So try to be a supportive of your community as much as possible.

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Meet Kelly (she/her)

What follows is a transcript from Kelly's video, which you can watch here: https://youtu.be/yqWPlKvYnEs

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Hi, I’m Kelly. 

I’m part of the Trans Canada project, and this is my story.

I’m not the kind of girl that wants to be on the shiny side of the camera.

I was born prince albert Saskatchewan way out west, and north, and a while ago. Not telling how long ago; it's a girl's secret!

I’ve kind of known that I was not really a boy since I was about four or five. I didn't have the vocabulary to describe it. I had no idea what it was I just felt wrong. I didn't feel like I fit in.

I’m not really sure how to describe it. It wasn't until puberty that I really noticed I was developing in a way that really wasn't what I was expecting and I kind of expected to grow up to be a girl and I didn't. And honestly, I was devastated. High school was a bit of a blur I kind of forgot and kind of dozed my way through high school. I could have done substantially better, but I was quite upset with my lot in life.

I had a great childhood, great parents, a brother who still adores me, and loves me, and counts me as his sister now, which is absolutely precious to me. He's a wonderful human being, and my parents are actually coming around. I didn't go through a really hyper masculine phase like some people do but I did find a girl that I connected with really well, and we got married and we had six children (one at a time) and I loved being a parent. I really, really wanted to be the mom. I really wanted to carry those kids inside me, and I was jealous of my wife and a little jealous of the daughters that we had.

Again, for the longest time I wished I was a girl, prayed that I was gonna be a girl, went to bed crying and praying that I would be you know instantly a girl, the next morning everything would be fixed. I was miserable but I didn't have a bad childhood and I didn't have a bad life. I had a decent career. I had a great family, had a great wife. I had great parents. Like I said, my brother was awesome. My in-laws were great. I had some really good friends that I made at church and at work that have stuck with me to this day, a long, long time later, but I had this horrible secret in the back of my head and it eventually started gnawing away in a way that made it more and more difficult over time to function. It was stealing bandwidth. It was stealing space, processing power, time. It was consuming more time, until I got so consumed with it and so upset with it that I really lost track of everything else in reality and I wasn't a good parent. I wasn't present. I was so consumed by this I ultimately tried to commit suicide. It scared me. It kind of woke me up.

This was 2008, and I sought help.

I went to my doctor and told him that I was suicidal, and he prescribed anti-depressants and we talked to a psychiatrist. I started talking about getting involved with a counselor of some sort to talk about it, but I never told anybody I was trans.

After doing some research on the internet I discovered that there was such a thing as transgender and it blew me away, because that was me. I didn't know what it was before. I had no language for it. I just knew that I should have been a girl. I didn't know there was such a thing as transgender and there was a way out, but it didn't feel like there was a way out for me.

I eventually went to see a specialist, a gender therapist, and we talked for months and they concluded yes, I am indeed transgender. I do indeed suffer from gender dysphoria and there was actually a way of treating it in a way that would be positive for me in the future, with hormones. I suppressed that for a number of years and the depression got worse not better. I tried various different types of therapy, but I never told any of the medical professionals in my life that I was transgender. I didn't think it was possible for me to come out, for me to transition.

There are stories of all kinds of transgender women living wonderful lives and having come out and having achieved what I never thought was possible for me. I eventually, after a lot of soul searching and a couple of other brushes with suicidal thoughts, came out to my mother, who hugged me and said welcome to womanhood. And yet I was still not going to do anything about it. I told her that I came out to my wife and she said that explained so much. I’m glad you told me. And I promised her that I wouldn't do anything, and we stayed married three years after that.

Our marriage wasn't doing particularly well at that point and a lot of it had to do with my depression and my inability to function well as a parent and as a marriage partner. My transness was consuming so much of my mental bandwidth. There wasn't enough left over for all the other things I had to do as a parent and as a marriage partner, as a friend, as a sibling, as a child of my parents. I let a lot of people down, including myself.

I finally told my doctor that I was transgender, and he said thank you for trusting me with that. I still wasn't going to do anything about it. I talked to my endocrinologist about it, who had discovered my cancer and helped me get past my thyroid cancer, and she basically said no, I will not prescribe hormones for you, I don't treat people like you. I was devastated. I actually wasn't even asking for hormones. I just wanted to tell her that I was transgender.

It wasn't until my wife and I separated and I moved in with my parents that I really got serious help with a psychologist, and got into some intense therapy to deal with the depression and my psychology with my psychiatrist dealing with the medication and me being away from the toxic environment at home and my kids being away from me who was being toxic at the time as well.

I was able to start healing I wouldn't have been able to do that at home. My wife started healing as well, from the relationship that we had that wasn't good for us. I lived with my parents for two years and I finally told my parents that I was trans and that I wanted to do something about it, which is different from what I said four or five years before when I talked to my mom the first time. I finally found the courage to talk to my psychologist about being trans and then finding a transgender therapist that I could talk to about gender-specific items, things, and found a doctor that was specializing in transgender patients and hormone therapy and an endocrinologist that actually supported that.

Ultimately in December of 2020 I moved to my own apartment back here, near my kids and my wife. My wife and I got legally separated. We dealt with that and very shortly after, within a week or so of moving into my own place, I transitioned fully, full time. I ripped the band-aid off. There was no reason to wait. There was no reason to hold back. I was absolutely desperate to be myself. I was holding back, and holding back, and it was painful, and it was destructive, and I finally had the courage and the opportunity to do it, and when I came out to my brother, he basically said okay so you're my sister.

I told my wife that I was going to transition, and she was actually supportive. I told my kids and they said “okay”. So I told a number of friends that were quite supportive and I told my clients and one of them basically said “I don't really care what you wear. I just hire you to solve problems”. So I was in a position where I could transition and I did and I did aggressively and completely and after being on anti-antidepressants for so many years, and they helped regulate my mood; they helped soften the roller coaster - emotional rollercoaster I was on.

The anti-androgens really calmed me down. They so totally got rid of - the only way I could describe it is a kind of an angry little buzz in the back of my head that I never knew was there until it was gone - and the blessed peace that came from that! Oh, I do not miss testosterone at all! The estrogen took a little longer to do stuff.

I live almost daily in a state of joy. I don't remember ever being joyful before. Happy, certainly. Content, absolutely. And you know … but actual joy? I didn't know that was possible! I didn't know that was a thing, and to feel so completely myself for the first time in my life, I didn't know that was possible. I didn't know that was a thing. I didn't know I could have that. I hated what I looked like. I couldn't stand looking in the mirror my entire life. I didn't take care of my appearance. I didn't look in the mirror. I did not want to have anything to do myself with myself.

I didn't really know why. I never really was able to put my finger on it. I didn't have the vocabulary to describe it until I found out that I was trans, and even then, I was just unhappy with who I turned out to be. Now I wake up in the morning, my hair is all frizzled, I have no makeup on, and I look like crap, and I go look in the mirror, and I smile! It makes me happy. I never had that before my entire life.

I get up early in the morning now. My brother said, “I’m more surprised that you get up in the morning early than I am that you're a girl”. I used to stay up till three four o'clock in the morning and then sleep until two in the afternoon I was completely useless around the house. I was losing business. I was losing friends. I was losing my family. I was so depressed I couldn't function. Now I get up early in the morning, put on some music, dance, and then communicate with a bunch of people - network with a bunch of people. I was such an introvert before. Now I’m joining women's groups and networking with people for business and for pleasure, just to meet people. Just to be part of something. I’m happy with myself. I’m actually happy, and I can say that and it's true. I’m content with myself and I find joy in life. Not many people get to say that.

And I’m lucky that I survived my depression long enough to be able to get here. I have a future. I actually have a future now.

I wish I’d done it earlier. But I didn't. But I’m so glad that I transitioned, because for me the alternative… the alternative was not being around at all.

This is so much better.

This is my life. This is my story.

And I smile now. I’m happy with myself. I’m happy with my friends. I’m happy with my family. I’m happy with me.

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Meet Jue Meili

What follows is a transcript from Jue Meili's video, which you can watch here: https://youtu.be/iFGzssgou9c

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Hi, my name is Jue Meili. 

I am glad to say I'm 73 years old next month and I enjoy my old age and I'm very healthy, lean and fit. I'm very conscious of being fit and I've been doing exercises throughout my whole life to be able to do that to enjoy my life and I keep a trim figure so that I can feel good as a woman also when I transition. 

I think it's just that I want to be my true self. Because this was hidden in me since my early childhood and had been repressed, suppressed, and so much pressure about hiding that I want everybody to see that I am a true female inside and out. 

I am semi-retired. I still do a little bit of work for my real estate clients, but I try to enjoy more life with my grandsons and video chat with them everyday. Before COVID, I used to enjoy a lot of badminton and ballroom dancing. I used to play badminton five times a week, ballroom dancing twice a week. 

I enjoy dressing up as a beautiful old woman in the evening at home. I put on only lipstick and no other makeup. At five feet, eight and 138 pounds, I can wear size six to size eight women clothing and size nine to ten women's shoes. 

Some background for myself. 

I was born and raised in Hong Kong. I came from an exceedingly poor family. When I was in grade two, I did not have any food for two days and I fainted at the school gates. The kind nuns took me into the kitchen and gave me milk and cookies. Ever since that time. I've learned to appreciate and not waste any food at all. 

About my transitioning journey. I have always known about my yearnings to become a beautiful female, ever since my early childhood days. For example, when no one was home, I would wear my aunt’s strapped sandals and my mom's intimates, nylons and heels. 

I even wore her bra under my clothes to go to church on Sunday to pray to become a woman. Because of the ultra conservative society of the 50's, 60s and 70s and peer pressures from family friends and work, I was hidden in the closet for over six decades. I got married in 1971, immigrated to Canada in 74 with my ex-wife and two children and added one more born in Canada. 

During my marriage. I secretly accumulated high heel pumps and wore my ex-wives torn stockings under my pajamas, together with high heels under the blanket for sleeping at night. After 20 years or so of marriage my ex-wife and I separated in the early nineties and eventually got divorced. I got together with my girlfriend after my separation from my ex-wife. We were so happy together. I admired her sexy body and wished I could be more like her. She often wore sexy clothes and heels to please me. I love to wear my high heels to sleep and also sometimes when we make love. I brought along her open heel sandals whenever we traveled and wore them to sleep at night. 

About my coming out

My girlfriend and I loved dancing and had been going to ballroom dancing for over 20 years. At the Halloween masquerade balls in 2018, and 2019. I dressed up as a beautiful old woman with the help of my daughter who used to work in a beauty salon. She helped me with professional makeup and hairstyle. I was one of the most beautiful women there and won third prize in the 2019 masquerade competition. This gave me the courage to start going out in public as a female. It was an encouragement for me to embark on my transitioning. 

Then I had eye-bags removal surgery in 2019. Started using eye and face moisturizing creams, early morning and at night. I went for laser and electrolysis treatments to remove body and facial lip hair. Then I started growing my hair long as well. 

During COVID lock down last year in 2020, I said to myself it was now or never. I was already 72 years old and asked myself how many more years do I have left? 10 to 15, more if I'm lucky. I decided to come out. I gathered all my courage, sat down and wrote for hours on end, and after several edits I sent an email to my girlfriend, my children, their families, my sister and her families to tell them I wanted to become a woman. 

It was as if a ton of pressure had been lifted off my shoulder when I came out. Before there was so much pressure and hiding. I was completely relieved. And I could go forward from that moment on. 

Then after several blood, cardio, blood pressure and ultrasound tests, I started on hormone replacement therapy, Testosterone blocker in January and estrogen patch in March 2021. I was in heaven. 

I finally came out of hiding in my closet, which has since become my huge wardrobe of women clothing. I could now live life 24/7 as a beautiful old woman. 

I applied for a name change to Jue Meili, meaning “pearl beautiful”. It takes decades for a natural pearl to grow in the shell before it is harvested for the whole world to admire its beauty. This is how I see myself; cooped up in a shelf for six decades before blossoming and finally coming out. After receiving my Ontario name certificate, I started notifying everybody about my becoming a transgender woman and about my new name. I received mostly positive replies and encouragement. 

The challenges I faced. 

Sadly my girlfriend of 27 years left me after I came out because she comes from the conservative Chinese culture and could not see herself in the lesbian relationship. I lost my dance partner of over 20 years. We had practiced to perfection so many dance steps that it would be impossible and time consuming for me to practice these same steps with new women dance partners. 

Then I had difficulty finding a doctor who treated transgender people. They were all booked full and not accepting any new patients. I did not realize that Toronto had such a large population of transgender people. Eventually after much searching and several weeks of interview, I found a doctor at Sherborn Health Center. Also, I could not find support groups in Toronto. Later I found two in the York Region, then it became easier and now I have joined six support groups. Two in York Region, two in Toronto, and two from the States. We have weekly meetings about two to five times a week. I enjoy these meetings and kind of treat them as personal therapy for myself. 

Talking about the joys and highs of being a transgender woman. 

After coming out in the summer of 2020. I have lived my life 24/7 as a woman. I love being a woman. When I go for my afternoon power jog and walk, dressed in my female athletic wear, I receive compliments all the time from people passing by. I love dressing up as a beautiful old woman and have even started doing this before my coming out. Ever since the Halloween masquerade balls which must have been towards the end of 2019.

I make 10 goals on the first day of each lunar month and I read them out loud to myself every morning. So I kind of made up a schedule for myself already, a daily activity schedule. One of the facilitators of the meeting asked us, “what do you do to feel good?” And I say “when I wake up in the morning, I would massage my scalp while sitting on the toilet, then I would brush the kinks out of my hair and tie them up in a ponytail in preparation for my early morning stretching and power exercises.” I have been doing the same stretching exercises since my junior school days, the same set of exercises plus I added other power exercises as well. 

So I look forward to my early morning exercises, and since January of 2021. I started on power walks, then I blended jogs into my power walks and every afternoon I go for my three kilometer jog and power walks, and I have lost most of the weight I gained during COVID from March of 2020 to December. I think I must have gained over 8 pounds at the time. I've lost most of it by now, and I hope to be my normal weight by the end of summer. I do pretty well in my jog and power walk. I time myself and I have reduced the time. In January it took me about 28 to 29 minutes and now my fastest record is 23 minutes for 3 kilometers, which is awesome. 

Then I also enjoy video whatsapp calls from my three year old and five year old grandsons every day. I look forward to that, so these are the things that keep me active for most of the day, which I really enjoy. 

I don't have that many more years to live, 10 to 20 years maybe, but I really enjoy my life as a whole anyway, every single day. When I wake up in the morning, I wake up with thankfulness and glad to be still above ground. I just look forward to enjoying life with my grandchildren and after COVID, hopefully I can hug my family and my grandson's again.

My old classmates from Hong Kong; we planned for our reunion last year, but because of COVID, it never happened, so hopefully this will happen maybe by end of this year or sometime next year then we have a reunion from our class of 1965, our high school class. 

I love to dress up as a woman so when the things are opened again and the party places reopen again, I will enjoy going to dinner and dancing, with not just new future dance partners, but with my dance students as well. I have been teaching ballroom dancing for the last two years at the Thornhill Community Center and they pay me 68% of dance proceeds and I use this to buy a money order to give to a charity to pay this forward and make this a better world for everyone. So dancing is a big part of my life. 

When I have my final bottom surgery, I want to see if I can apply to become a senior model. Because I think that will be a part of me that I will enjoy tremendously. I am not interested in men. I hope to find women or transgender women as dance partners not necessarily for a relationship, but to practice dance steps with and to go with me to ballroom dancing. Dancing works wonders for seniors. I will continue dancing until the day I die. 

After getting my legal IDs changed to female. I will be able to play as a woman in senior badminton competitions. I want to continue playing badminton until my mid 80s or early 90s. 

I have learned to love myself and therefore I am confident I will eventually find a new life partner. 

Thinking about any advice I would give to my younger self before my transitioning; Looking back at the ultra conservative society in the last 60 years. I felt it was not the right time to come out earlier. With so much peer pressure from family, friends, and career, it was also not socially or financially feasible at that time. 

However, I still have good memories of my past life. Which will always be a part of me. And my evolving. I have learned a lot from that period which can now help me carry through my continuous transitioning. 

I love being a woman. 

Okay, thank you.

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