Am I "Trans" enough?

When dealing with gender identity, things are not always clear cut. Am I a man? Am I a woman? For some they know for sure, for others - like me - it's a lot more nuanced, and that makes it hard to believe that I am "Trans" enough to claim the label.

Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay 

Try to define what makes one a woman, or a man. Is it your physical components, or is it your taste in clothing? Is it your hormone levels, or your sexual attraction? Is it your abilities in the kitchen, or your affinity for children? Is it your abilities at sports or your affinity with the outdoors? None of these really capture it completely. Is it that indefinable knowledge that this is just what you are?

You might as well ask am I ___ enough? (Fill in the blank with ANYTHING). We are never fully something and if we are inclined towards something, we have at least some semblance of that thing within us. Most of us fall somewhere in the middle, sometimes closer to one end than the other. We live on a "spectrum".

For example, I'm a photographer currently by trade. I was not always a photographer. Before I was a photographer, I was a network administrator. Does the fact that I'm now a photographer make me any less of a network administrator? Yes. Does it mean I have lost the knowledge of the experience of being a network administrator? No. Both are now part of who I am. Am I "Photographer" enough? I'm probably not as good as I have potential to be, and definitely not as good as some of the best photographers in the world, but am I enough? Absolutely. I don't have to be the world's greatest photographer to be one.

One of the biggest struggles for me are the clothes. I love women's clothes, but it is hard to look "female" in them. I have wondered for a long time why there is such an attraction to them. I finally concluded that it was not about the clothes at all. Recognizing that I was Trans put a better perspective on the issue for me. I do not dress in women's clothes simply because I like the clothes (though I do), I dress in them because they affirm who I know myself to be - even if they don't fit the best. Isn't that the reason any of us pick the clothes we wear?

Maybe I'm not "Trans" enough to pass completely. Maybe I still get sir'd even when I'm in a dress. Does that make me any less "Trans"? Absolutely not - though it does make me a little sad. In my own heart of hearts, I know that I am not straight, and that is OK. And if sometimes the masculine overtakes the feminine in me, does that make me less Trans? I would say a resounding no.

Take the advice of so many who have gone before us and forged the path; Stop worrying about whether you are good enough... you are. The point is to be honest with yourself about who you are, and to live that authentically. There is always room for growth, but know that you are loved, you are amazing and you are most definitely good enough - keep on believing!

Want to read more? Here are some other great articles:

https://medium.com/gender-from-the-trenches/am-i-trans-enough-ea1271c64364

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/yes-youre-trans-enough-to_b_9318754

And we would love for you to support the Trans Canada Project!

https://www.transcanadaproject.ca

https://www.patreon.com/transcanadaproject

Do you believe in Platypus'?

Remember the first time you heard about the Platypus? It seemed almost inconceivable that there could be a strange creature with a beaver's body, a squirrel's tale, duck's webbed feet and a bill, a warm blooded mammal that lays eggs. It sounded like a fantasy, like some kind of chimera, as hard to believe as mermaids or unicorns. And yet they do exist. They are very real.

Once we accept the existence of the platypus, our world is changed. It becomes part of our sphere of understanding. We can still choose to not believe they exist, but that will not change the fact that they do.

How many people in this world have the privilege of meeting a Trans person? I say privilege because it's rare, or at least it seems rare, though many may have met Transgender people without even being aware of it because those individuals felt the need to be "stealth", to hide their identity to feel safe. 

It is human nature to find things that are beyond our experience and call them strange. We may even consider them "unnatural", but once something is known, it becomes "normalized", we expand our understanding and we are better for it. Exploring things that are unknown and making them known is how we come to understand the world we live in. 

We take things for granted every day that only a few decades ago seemed like nonsense; computers, cell phones, cars that can drive themselves. Sometimes the things we discover, we could never have imagined or even thought possible, and yet, embracing the differences and expanding our horizons enriches our lives to the point where we wonder how we ever lived without them!

Now, think about your views of Trans people - even if you are Trans yourself. What a strange creature, right? How can they (we) possibly exist? But we do! Being transgender is a real thing. We exist. We are not imaginary, or the product of some choice we make.

The Trans Canada Project exists to tell the stories of us platypus people. To enrich all our lives by showing those who are unaware that we do exist, and help those who are coming to terms with being Trans to know that it can be a blessing.

Help us tell these stories - support The Trans Canada Project and help us tell the stories of Trans Folk across the country. We are real people, living real lives, with real needs and making real contributions to our communities.

Look us up!

Website: www.transcanadaproject.ca

Patreon: www.patreon.com/transcanadaproject

Introductions - Kelly (she/her)

Hello, my name is Kelly.

I was lucky enough to have been assigned the name Kelly Schwab at birth in Prince Albert, Saskatchewan. Unfortunately, although the name fits my female gender perfectly, I was not given the gender assignment to match at the time. This was lost on me until about the age of four when it began to dawn on me that things were not the way they were supposed to be. 

 

Image by _Alicja_ from Pixabay 

In those early years, the world was very different in regards to being transgender. I was bullied in school for not conforming to the social standards of my assigned male gender and have struggled with it all my life. I did my best to fill the expectations of all those around me and be what they wanted me to be, but it was constantly a burden I carried in secret.

 

I am a huge Apple nerd; my first earrings were of the Apple Logo. After attending Sheridan College for graphic design, I sold Apple computers and trained designers on graphic design equipment. After spending time as a Systems Manager at a large design company, I headed off to start my own business in 2001, helping others to use Apple equipment effectively in their businesses, eventually developing that into a Media production business in 2009.

 

I married in 1985 and my wife and I built a life together, raising six children. All this time, being transgender never left me, and the pressure of denying and suppressing who I was continued to grow until I became suicidal and was clinically diagnosed with depression in 2010. On top of that, I became ill in 2016 with cancer, only adding more weight to my already difficult burden. But I am a survivor and eventually I beat the cancer. Unfortunately the gender issues continued to cause me difficulties and eventually resulted in the breakup of my marriage in 2019.

 

While recovering from the breakup and living with my parents for two years, I came to terms with my trans identity, and have begun to find peace about it. By the fall of 2020 I reached a point where I decided to transition full time. I found my own place to live and began HRT treatment, which was not well accepted by my parents initially.

 

Image by Karolina Grabowska from Pixabay 

Since then, though I have lost many friends and even some family members who choose not to understand, I have found many new friends who can accept me for who I am, and support me, along with an incredibly loving brother who instantly accepted my transition.

 

Although I am still a "baby Trans" in many ways, I am finding that the community has been amazingly supportive and I want to give back. I am excited about the Trans Canada Project, and believe my background in Graphic Design and my organizational skills will help to make it a success. I look forward to telling the stories of Trans people from across our country so that others like myself can see that there are many more out there like us - living their lives, authentically and happy.

 

This is my life, and this is my story.

 

Hugs,

Kelly