Meet Kaylee (she/her)

What follows is a transcript from Kaylee's video, which you can watch here: https://youtu.be/T2X7WupmH8w

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My name's Kaylee. Kaylee Mae. My kids call me Mae. I'm almost 40 years young, so, you know, halfway through life, I go by she/her. I've been out for nine months, 10 months, and on HRT for nine months just the other day.

The last few years I've been a building manager, and I thought I was pretty depressed. I thought I may have had ADD. I thought a few different things. So I tried to, you know, med myself, see doctors,  get meds for that.

None of that was helping. And I thought back to grade 2. When I was told, you know, you can't hang out with the women and that. And I realized that there's a lot more going on there. And finally admitted to myself that, yeah, that's that's what I need. And the day I figured that out for myself, I haven't stopped smiling. It's been amazing. 

When I started transitioning, it was pretty easy. I was surprised, actually. I went to my doctor and I told them and I was a little taken aback when they answered "You're Trans?" like their head went back.

Well, yeah. I mean, do I have to look a certain way or something. And she said no. OK. So they referred me to an ENDO an I did a blood test. I did one more blood test. And then I waited three weeks maybe and I started HRT. And I knew already in the last few years that's something I really wanted. 

Voice training is probably my biggest fear. I can go bra shopping with my wife. I can go get my nails done. I can dress as nice as I like, but I'm still shy to try and do the voice training. I don't know why, but that's the hardest part for me. 

In a way I was debating on if I should do this interview or not, because I hear so many stories of people that lose their lives. You know, they go through a very hard childhood, lots of medical issues. And I've been very fortunate to had almost none of that happen.

And I am sad for some people. But then some people talked to me and told me that you need to give others hope that we're together. We've been married 13 years and our relationship is stronger now than it was before. There so much I can relate to. I mean, and we fit the same clothes. So that's amazing. 

Challenges in my life have not been too many I mean, I have an amazing wife who supports me, two beautiful kids that support me, and they learn about this in school. When I told them it was, one of the hardest things was to tell my family and I thought my kids, I would have to explain a bunch, and as soon as I had told they said, Oh, well, dad, you're transgender then. I read about this in school, and they're only 12 and 13 years old, and I was really surprised that they're teaching that, and it made it a little bit easier for me to explain to them. So it was really nice that the teachers had already gone through some of that, 

At this point, things with my wife are amazing. It started. Well, I mean, just a given. It started pretty strange. I didn't know how it was going to go. In the past, we had experimented with a few other women. I wanted to make sure that things would be OK. I couldn't have done it without her. I don't think I would have. She's my rock, my stone, my whole life. So if the support wasn't there, I don't know that I could have done this. And now things are just we cuddle on the couch. For me and her, it's the greatest night we can have.  So it's nice to be able to do those small things. Holding hands is just so different now, stuff like that. But the little things mean a whole bunch. 

So if I had to give some advice to somebody that's married or in a situation sort of like me? I would say not to go too quick with things. I mean, even if you're going to medically transition, especially, it's a long process. It's years and years. And if you can, like, I really didn't want to scare Kassandra off at all.

It would have really hurt. There's no - there's no need to rush. It's a very long process. So just let it do its time. And I think that that's the best chance to keep your relationship going. And even if you just end up best friends, just if you do things too quick, I think that it could really scare someone off or or catch them off guard in a way that they may not bounce back from. 

Thinking back about it, when I was eight or nine years old and I was learning to break hair and I was sitting with the girls in the class and my teacher pulled me aside and one little comment stuck with me for 30 something years, that you can't do that. You're a boy. You need to be over here. And it was just on the backburner for the next long, long time. And finally, I did something. And I mean, I feel so good. I've never felt this good in my life. 

I see so many other trans people in a lot of the the discords that I'm in. And the one thing that people can't hide is your eyes. Even as mad or upset as you are, their eyes get so big and so happy. And you see the difference in these changes that people go through and the eyes tell the story. I think right there alone. 

I love so many things about, you know, I'm very, very visibly trans. I go out, and I don't try to, you know, where I blend in. I just walk around and I talk to everyone. I really like doing makeup. I haven't had any lessons yet. So it's kind of like a crapshoot figuring it out. Not easy. Same as clothes. I love to go shopping. And I think that Value Village and stores like consignment shops are a trans person's best friend. 

Actually I went to one and it was really neat because I seen a group of six or seven trans women together. And during COVID, that was my only real life... So it was really nice to see that. And yeah, I love shopping. Anything with the face I love to do. I just everything that I've missed out on, I'm starting my hair is getting a little bit longer so I'm able to do a couple of things with it. Everything. I'm just so happy. There's so many things that make me happy about being transgender and more than I thought. 

We're superintendents, we've been superintendence for about 12 years, almost since the time we've been together, and it's really nice.

I've been... through the whole thing I've been working and I get to see a lot of residents. So I've done things slowly. I didn't want to scare anybody or myself, for that matter. I started, you know, just wearing glitter, nail polish and mascara and small things like that. And residents started noticing. But I found that nobody wanted to ask. They just kind of kept being themselves very nice. Most people, having great. 

Work or is super supportive with me. Nothing's really changed at work. In fact, I find people are nicer. I don't know why, but it just probably because I'm being me who I'm supposed to be. So I think it's a really nice thing to have a very supportive company and coworkers. That's great. 

There's a few challenges. The one biggest one, and it didn't bother me for the longest time was, my dead name was I was fine with that. And just the last little bit, it's been hard because there's some people who you've known for a long time and they're not ready to call me that name, and it's hard sometimes, I mean, everything everywhere now is Kaylee. there's no other person here. So it's just reminding them, you know, just a gentle reminder, I don't get offended very easy at all. And I'm a very easygoing person. That's probably the biggest hardship for me. 

There's a few people too that kind of maybe they're not as friendly with me anymore, but they don't say anything. We'll take it. And that's fine. They do their own thing and I'm OK. Not everybody can like everybody. And I think the world's going to like that. It's meant to have some people who like me, some people who love me, and some people who prefer not to talk to me. And that's OK.

In the future... I love office work. I always have. And I also love to gossip. So I would like to get out of superintendent and go work in a nice office setting where I can dress super nice, not have a uniform every day and gossip and just.

Hang out with more, more of a group of people versus just doing a random work order like some of the things at work, losing a lot of muscle, I have to do huge compacter garbage, things that are not as easy to pull anymore. I have to shovel snow in the winter for a massive property, not just in a driveway. So a lot of that stuff gets harder. And I would like to be in an office setting again where I feel super comfy and happy.

I just want to say that I love my wife more than anything in the world. My kids come very, very close second. She is the most important thing for me.

[Cassandra] I'm Cassandra. I'm Kaylee's spouse. I guess I'm supposed to call her now.

We've been married for. Eleven years and together for 13. So it's been really good.

[Kaylee] So one big thing is, is sex with my wife has gone. A lot better, it's not every day, twice a day thing, it's once, once a week maybe, but it's so much better and it's brought us closer.

And I think that's really important to connect like that. It's more meaningful and more time involved. It's really, really nice. And along the lines of that, that's kind of how I made sure that she would be OK with me coming out.

We did experiment with a couple of women. To see if that's something that I guess that I wanted to see. She's a very, very quiet reserved woman, and I wasn't sure if that's something that she would be OK with. And she's definitely OK with that. So I, yeah, I identify as a lesbian. And if she wasn't into women, then I couldn't.

[Cassandra] Well, first, it was pretty weird, I thought, because we used to always joke with me that you wanted to do everything, if he could ever be a girl, he'd want to be a girl.

I mean, it just. It was a shock to him when he decided he was going to. And our relationships been 100 percent better than we thought it would be. I'm fine for 100 percent, so.

After being married for so many years, if you really love the person, you should stay with them. If you don't, then there's no point in staying with that person., Be yourselves. And I'm happy for all of the people that are transgendered or trying to change themselves for the better.

[Kaylee] We have two beautiful kids. They're amazing kids.

Everybody says that about their own kids, I guess. But they really are special. Before I bring them in, I just want to say one thing real fast. They got no Christmas gifts. They saved their money. They got a lot of money. They saved their money till just the other day they randomly found their, PS5 in a store. They lucked out. So they're so happy. They are very patient boys. That kind of just gives a little bit about them. But yeah, I really like if I could introduce our boys to everybody, if that's OK.

Here, come in front here guys.

[Jaden] Hello

[Cassandra] Come sit.

[Jaden] Fine

[Kaylee] This is my eldest, Jaden. Look in the camera here. He is 13 years old

[Jaden] No, 12

[Kaylee] ...going to be 13.

And this one is Zander. Say hi.

[Zander] Hi. I'm going to be 12.

[Kaylee] They were born less than a year apart. The Irish twins, they call it.

[Jaden] No, it was three hundred and seven days.

[Kaylee] So 16 days less than, err, no six days less than a year.

[Zander] No.

[Kaylee] Yeah.

[Zander] 365 days in a year.

[Kaylee] Yeah, less. And okay,, so they've  got some questions maybe for you. 

[Zander] What? I don't... Hi. 

[Kaylee] Excuse the COVID cuts. We haven't made it to the hairdresser yet, so they're pretty good shag. Do you like being a teenager?

[Jaden] Yeah, I guess.

[Kaylee] Yeah. How about you Zander

[Jaden] I'm not one yet

[Kaylee] Are you looking forward to it? Make sure you talk here.

[Zander] Uh... Games. I like the games.,

[Kaylee] Video games and video games. So we went to, Jaden I'd like you to show them this picture. You hold it up close, OK? Zander, tell them where we went.

[Zander] We went to Niagara Falls. To this picture place and they dressed us up and all that.

[Kaylee] They dressed as a what?

[Zander] The wild west.

[Kaylee] Yeah, the Wild West. And what do you guys call me now? What's my name?

[Jaden] Mae. [Zander] Mae.

[Kaylee] So they call me Mae. I'm Kaylee Mae. So I thought Mae would be nice. I could never steal her as as mom and dad would be a little strange. Some places I go so Mae seem to fit and they're doing very good. Especially he reminds his older brother when he slips up and, "it's Mae, it's Mae!"

[Jaden] I don't really care that often. Because he's still him I guess you could say.

[Zander] Yeah, same, I don't really care.

[Kaylee] In the end of it. I think that we're a super easygoing family. Very, very straightforward. Not a care in the world, really. Just I try to raise my kids how we were both raised, very happy and easygoing. You know, if something's not right, don't hang around there. There's no need to get upset about stuff. Just move on and. Yeah.

So I think that most of the people in the world just think they need to live their lives and everybody's different. So there's no need to charge anybody. It takes more effort and more time from them to go out of the way to maybe save some hurtful things. And it's much easier to just live your life, smile, be happy every day. You never know, you may not wake up tomorrow. And I'm happy when people ask me, how is your day? I say, well, I woke up today. So that's the best start of the day. I woke up and I go to bed - I'm  happy going to bed. Anything else that happens, I look at it as positive as I can, because you only get one life. You're only here for a very, very quick second. And the grand scheme of time. So you just live it. Smile. Treat everybody like like you would treat your mom or your dad or your brother or your best friend or even your dog.

I mean, just treat everybody the same and smile. And it really rubs off on other people. You do one small thing and you may not get it back from them. But the butterfly effect kind of goes down the line and they think of it as well.

And, don't dress your age, dress how you feel. You can't honestly dress how you feel because I dress -  I'm sorry if I dress like really provocative or slutty, I don't know which is a good word to use.

And I feel like I'm a teenager who should be dressed like I can't help but just dress how you feel. Don't let anyone tell you you can't wear that, you're 40 years old, or, Yeah. At the end of the day, one thing that's really important for me is a community to have, if you can find a community and most of it, especially with COVID right now, is online. But there's some really nice LGBTQ and especially just transgender servers. 

I'm in a few of them, and it's great to be able to... people have their stories, their medical information. They they have big pride balls, once a month, stuff like that, where you can all just get together and talk or feel like a part of a family there. And there's lots of people who have no one in their lives. And I couldn't imagine going through this without having some kind of contact. So find a group of people or a person or a pet or even a plant. Anything that's alive that can listen to you, but they don't even have to talk back to you. It's just something that you can talk to. And I think that that could help a lot and and prevent a lot of sadness and maybe questions. Yeah. That's the kind of person I am just always happy. I don't think I've stopped smiling for the last nine months. Every day. I just you know, it feels so good to smile now and I can't help it. It's just who I am.

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Meet Madison (She/Her)

What follows is a transcript from Madison's video, which you can watch here: https://youtu.be/0Oy38CL_Zm0

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Hi, my name is Madison Poser, I'm 29 years old. My pronouns are she her. I work as a graphic designer and I am a proud transgender woman. 

Back in 2017, I was working as a graphic designer at a firm in town, and I had just lost my job and my girlfriend had just broken up with me all within like the span of a week. And so I started hanging out with my friends, Alexi, who was also unemployed at the time, so we both had a lot of free time on our hands. And if the topic came up about like gender and she had asked me if I might be transgender after I had told her about some of my desires to like wear women's clothing and how I think about it all the time, wanting to be a woman. And it took my friend asking me if I'm transgender for me to realize. That that was a possibility. Up until that point, I hadn't even considered it. 

So my friend Alexi would actually help me with shopping for women's clothing, and she helped me try on makeup and all these other feminine things. Any time I go over to her apartment, I'd get to dress up as my true self. And it was like so amazing and it made me so happy. And she would refer to me by she/her pronouns and by the name that I had chosen, which was Emma originally, because I thought it was funny, because it went with Emma Poser. It was kind of like a pun. I'm a poser, Emma Poser. So that was initially why I chose that name. But then after some time, I decided to go with Madison because I didn't want my name to be a joke my entire life. 

So, yeah, we would go shopping at thrift stores and anywhere I could find some cheap used women's clothing because I wasn't employed at the time and I would starting out, just stick to her like glue. I was terrified of being seen in the women's clothing section. But over time, it started to get easier and easier. I'd start to stray further and further away.

Eventually, I just went shopping by myself. I bought a dress by myself. And it was so like empowering. I immediately drove home and I dressed up and felt amazing for the rest of the day. It was very empowering. Yeah, there's lots of like moments, like hurdles, I guess that when you pass them, you just feel like a sense of pride in yourself. 

The first few challenges that I faced when I was first coming out, I would say were my parents. The first time that I tried on nail polish, which was like one of the first things I sort of experimented with, I came home with it on my hands and my dad saw. And his reaction wasn't the reaction I would have expected.

My entire life growing up, I thought my parents would both be like super supportive if I ever came out as gay or whatever. And so I wasn't like too worried initially. But as soon as my dad saw that, I had nail polish on. And his reaction that made me really scared to come out to him. 

I was more comfortable coming out to my mom, I actually came out to my mom pretty early on. We were both down at the dock out at our cottage, and it was just me and her. And I just started out the conversation by asking her if she knew anyone who was transgender. And she actually said yes. One of your relatives, distant relatives who lives in Sault St. Marie, is actually transgender, a trans woman.

I didn't even know they were my relative. I had never met them before. Like they were distant relative. I had met that relative like about a year later at a trans coffee meet up here in the city. And it was just really great getting to meet them. And I thought that was so cool. 

And she then asked me, why, why do you bring that up? And and then I just sort of said, well, I've been experimenting with my gender or questioning my gender a little bit. And I'm considering the fact that I may be transgender. And so that's sort of how I came out to my mom. And she was, she got fairly quiet. Yeah, sure. She wasn't sure how to process that because she wasn't expecting it. Obviously, I hid it pretty well. But over time, she she became one of my biggest supporters. And it's actually why I changed my middle name to my mom's first name. 

While I was working as a graphic designer, I didn't actually come out. I was working at an organization here in town, and that was when they had let me go. And that was when I started to experiment. But I was still working sort of freelance for them. Still going by my old name and pronouns, and I just wasn't out yet to anyone for my old job. And then I got a job offer in Ottawa for a two month contract, so I decided to go down there. I accepted that job offer and I still wasn't out. But my brother lived in Ottawa, so I saw that as an opportunity to come out to him while I was down there, because I actually lived with my brother while I was working in Ottawa. Him and his girlfriend, about a month into my contract, 

I had been continuously trying to like pump myself up to come out to my brother, and I just kept putting it off. And then one day I was at the house with his girlfriend and we were just like in the kitchen cooking something. And I decided to come out to her first because I realized that it would be good for my brother to have somebody to talk to who wasn't me about this after I've come out to him. So I came out to my brother's girlfriend and she was super supportive and she said she honestly wasn't worried about my brother reacting negatively, which really put my mind at ease. So it made a lot easier to come out to him.

One night I was just was sitting with my brother in the living room, we were playing Mario Kart and. I told them I had something important, I wanted to tell him, and I told them that I had been questioning my gender. I had this little script that I used for pretty much everybody where I'd say and I've been questioning my gender for the last few months, and I've come to the conclusion that I would be happier living my life as a woman. If you have any questions, I can answer them. I know you're going to need some time to process, but I just want you to know that things won't change too much between us. So so I pretty much told him that. 

And he he was supportive right away. He gave me a big hug, told me he'd be there for me, and that meant the world to me. So I've always sort of looked up to my brother. 

In March of 2017, that was when I first started experimenting with my gender, and then several months went by. Around August, I met with a doctor who was able to sort of help me with getting hormone replacement therapy and explaining everything about transition to me. January 17th, 2018, was the day that I started hormone replacement therapy. So it was less than a year since I realized that I was transgender, that I started transitioning.

And it was February of 2017 that I started my new job at the graphic design firm in Ottawa. I wasn't out socially at that time. I still wasn't really very feminine. And my voice was very deep. My hair was very short and actually falling out. I was like kind of going bald at the time, like early, early baldness, which was kind of terrifying. But the hormones did their work, which was which was a relief. So it actually took me a while to come out and start presenting as a woman in public.

It wasn't until I started going to school for business at Sault College, and actually my first time presenting as a woman out in the public space was at a destination wedding in Mexico. When the bride and the groom, I came out to them a couple of months before I actually went to the wedding. And they said, they encouraged me, to be myself for the wedding and wear a dress and makeup and all the other good stuff. So I did that. It was terrifying. Walking from my hotel room down to the foyer where the rest of the guests were was like the longest walk I'd ever taken.

But I had my friend Alexi there. Thankfully, she really helped me get through it. And she was like always by my side. I mean, just encouraging me and keeping me sane. So one of the biggest highs that I've ever gotten being trans was the moment that I looked in the mirror and saw a woman looking back at me. That was like the the greatest moment. And I knew that everything was going to be perfect. Everything was going to be all right. 

So there's lots of great things about being trans and being a part of this great community. The LGBT community and the trans community was one of them. I got to meet so many amazing people and they were all so supportive. Early on, I was introduced to several trans people who helped me figure out who I am and help squash any doubts I may have had about being trans and really just supported me. And I returned the favor for others trying to support them and explain to them. Sort of the same thing, answer questions and be supportive. 

So I've had some people ask me on social media, they would message me on Instagram, and most of the questions I would get are. How do I come out to people? Or like, I'm scared of coming out to people, How did you do it? And I would actually send them the little script that I had written out that I used for coming out to friends and family. 

A lot of the other questions I would get are people who just have doubts about their feelings about being trans. Where they are worried that it's just a phase or something, and I'm able to tell them that these feelings are natural. A lot of trans women have doubts. Trans men as well have these doubts. I had doubts early on as well, in the end. I'm so much happier living life as a woman and being seen as a woman and presenting as a woman. And that sort of has made me realize that I'm meant to be a woman. 

I find myself quite fortunate to be passing as a CIS. Several people have been surprised when I tell them that I'm transgender and I will never hide that fact. I try not to hide that fact. I wear pride pins and I'm very open about my transition because I find that visibility and exposure for people really helps them sort of understand what being transgender is all about, and it helps them accept it and support. And that was the case with my dad, who was not very comfortable with the whole thing early on. But as time went by, as he started to see me more and more as a woman, makeup, wearing dresses and skirts, all this other stuff, he started to come around and really understand sort of what I was going through and that this wasn't just a phase. 

I've had to remind myself several times during the pandemic that I need to provide self care for myself. Putting on makeup, even if I'm not going out, can really improve my mood. So reminding myself, even if I'm staying at home, laying in bed all day.

One of the things I would tell myself if I could go back in time would be to start applying for the surgery funding right away, because it can take a while. And you may not think you're ready right away and you don't have to be ready right away. I waited about a year before I actually applied for any surgery, and then it took almost another year for it to get approved and go through. Even if you're just starting out, but you know that you're transgender and you may want to get a surgery in the future, you should apply for it sooner. Even if you're not ready for it, because you can always cancel you don't have to go through with it if you don't feel like you want to. 

I would really love to travel. I want to see more of Canada. I've actually been considering traveling, doing a road trip along the East Coast or the West Coast and just sort of seeing what's out there and potentially finding a new place for me to move to and live, because I've lived in Sault St. Marie and I love Sault St. Marie. It's a great city. But I've lived here my entire life, and I feel like there's something else out there for me. So I really want to travel and I would love to continue to help with Pride Fest here in the city, because I became a committee member for Pride back in twenty eighteen, and I've been doing graphic design work for them. 

We created these lawn signs last year and this year, which were a big hit, and I redesigned their logo. So really just like continuing to be a part of the community and giving back. I definitely want to want to continue that. That trail. 

I would say the best bit of wisdom I can provide from my own experience transitioning is to just have patience, have patience in yourself, have patience in others. Other people may need more time to get used to the changes, and everybody transitions differently. It's a different pace for everybody. So don't feel discouraged if your transition isn't going quite as quickly as others because you'll get there.

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Meet Heidi (they/them/she/her)

What follows is a transcript from Heidi's video, which you can watch here: https://youtu.be/qr7XEG6XefY

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My English name Is Heidi. My traditional name has to do with the medicines of the maple tree. I'm from Curve Lake First Nation and I am bear clan. I work for Nogojiwanong friendship center as the indigenous mentor for our 2SLGBTQ+ people.

I have to say I'm very proud of my community my chief and my council. We're holding our second pride in our community but It's our first week-long pride welcoming everybody back into the circle. We have a week-long festivity of events, and we welcome anybody out. It's been absolutely fantastic seeing all these pride flags and signs being flown in our community.

I Identify as being a two-spirit person. I use the pronouns they/them/she/her. I've got grandchildren. They call me kokum, I'm kokum and noki. Noki to my three biological grandchildren, kokum to three grandchildren that have adopted me as their kokum. I knew fairly young, but I still had gotten married because that's what we were supposed to do. I married a man and honestly there's nothing I would change about that because I have my three beautiful children that I had, and my grandchildren, so still I wouldn't change anything with that. But it was hard growing up.

Especially at my age, I know that I look younger than I am, which Is fairly deceiving - I'm fairly lucky from my mother that way, my mom modeled for kodak so my mom's a very beautiful woman - but when I when I came out to my mom, I had been seeing my partner for probably a year. But I had already been dating before that. But when I met my partner, I knew they were the one and I came out to my mom. It was funny because my mom was sitting in my kitchen, and I said it to her and then I started to go down the stairs to the basement. At that time, I smoked cigarettes and the only place we'd smoke in the basement where the wood stove was; you open the wood stove, the smoke would blow out. So, I came out to my mom that way and my mom says, oh I already knew. I've known since you were about 12. so why didn't you say something to me?

My mom's been absolutely fantastic, very supportive. I've been very lucky that way. My children are absolutely supportive. I've been lucky that way.

At school I think people knew but didn't say anything because I was that type of person that if people were getting into a fight, I got in there and stopped It. People didn't mess with me in school but then again, I was also 5’ 11” then, mind you I was about 119 pounds, but I played hockey. I was into the sports. I played ball, I did all that stuff and people just didn't mess with me In school. But I wasn't out to people then either. And It was weird because I picked up on who also was possibly gay but not out. And one of my really good friends happened to be one of them.

I didn't have - it wasn't as much of a hard time when I was younger, other than that I did go, and I was doing what society thinks we should do by somebody born with female genitalia; to marry a man and then to have kids and I did all that. No, I wouldn't change any of that because my kids are my world to me, they're also, you learn something every day and that's part of my learning.

I know that as I was getting older and still with my ex-husband, having that hard time with that relationship, after my son passed away, I saw it as life's too short. And he wasn't always the kindest person, my ex. So, when we finally separated and I started dating, I met my now partner of 12 years. I'm very happy.

I worked In the Anishinabek Police Service for 17 years and most of that was while I was with my ex-husband, so nothing was out there. Even for the first few years of my husband and I being separated and my partner and I being together nothing was said In that police force. Not that I would have had an overly big Issue In the police service but It was how community would react as well. And from what you see with all the signs and stuff for our pride with the community, we have very many members in our community that are identifying as two spirit LGBTQ.

But yeah, when I got into construction, that was the biggest thing. Not letting It out there for safety reasons. But I left that job with construction to become an indigenous mentor for 2SLGBTQ+ people with Nogojiwanong friendship center. I took an over $20 000 pay cut to do It, but I wanted to help support, and get supports for our people that are having those issues. Too many leave their homes and they become part of that MMIW2S (Missing and Murdered Women, Girls and 2-Spirit People). It shouldn't be that way. Our two spirited people were always accepted they were highly regarded In our communities and we needed to get back to that.

So by taking on that position I did with Nogojiwanong friendship center It was to help bring back that ceremony to our two-spirited LGBTQ blessed people. That we all sit in that circle together. It's the way it always was. All the people whether they're red, yellow, black, or white, that circle we have, that medicine wheel we have, is that we all sit on the same level in that circle. And our two-spirited people could sit anywhere in that circle in our ceremonies. We didn't have, we didn't gender our people. We didn't even have words for he or she before colonization.

We would have, basically some of the ceremonies, one of them is like the basket and the bow; that child with rights of passage, instead of gendering that child, that child went into that ceremony, went into that lodge, and they chose either that basket or that bow on what their spirit was leading them to, what their gifts were not what the genitalia they were born with. and with what they came out with Is what their responsibilities were.

Myself being a two-spirited person I would have a hard time choosing because I have that male and that female spirit. And I would have wanted that basket and that bow, not that I was being greedy, but because I assume both those responsibilities. Our two-spirited people are seen to be people that walk in both worlds. We walk in that spirit world, and we walk on mother earth. We're able to communicate between the two.

And my big thing is getting all the communities to do the same thing, all our first nations communities to bring that acceptance back, go back to the ways we use to have. We didn't turn our people away. We didn't turn anybody away. We accepted them for who they were, those gifts they had to offer to the community. And by our pride flag that we've done in our community says we all belong in the circle and that's just it. It's getting everybody back into that circle, that healing's not going to happen until everybody's accepted. Everybody's back in that circle.

We have skirt shaming, so if you're born with female genitalia, it seemed that you’re to wear skirt to ceremony. We didn't always have skirts. Why would we assume somebody must wear that for ceremony? You're talking to creator. You're bringing those ancestors into that ceremony. They don't see what you're wearing. It shouldn't matter what you're wearing.

And why does that have to be part of acceptance? let people be who they are and love them for who they are. For so many of our young ones that's why they leave. They don't feel they're accepted in their communities. They go missing. And If our communities accepted them more for who they are, then they wouldn't be leaving we wouldn't be losing these children.

We not only did not have words for he or she before, but we don't have words for goodbye either It's "baamaapii" until we meet again.

Miigwach (thank you).

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