The Space Between

Life has a way of finding balance. 

You have heard it said that Nature abhors a vacuum.

In the space between male and female, there are those who would have us believe there is nothing; that these are only the binary ends. There are those who would have us believe there is only a vacuum in between, but, as Voyager is showing us, even where we think there is nothing, there is something. Those of us who are non-binary are living proof that there is definitely something in the space between the binary.

In fact, there are many genders that fill the space between the binary ends of the gender spectrum. We are the LGBTQ+ community, and we have been around for as long as there have been the binary poles. 

Those who do not believe we have always been here are actually part of the reason we have remained unseen - a self fulfilling prophecy if you will. The stigma placed upon being queer has made it a difficult place in which to live. So, as a matter of safety and social acceptance, many choose not to disclose their identity, making us all more invisible. 

It is no surprise, then, that in this time of growing understanding and protection of LGBTQ+ people, we are seeing more people “coming out”, because they feel safer to do so. 

This is not a trend. There are not suddenly more LGBTQ people being somehow "created". We have always been here. We have always existed. Many just chose not to see us, and many of us chose not to be seen. Now, however, we are feeling more comfortable with sharing who we really are, and so you are starting to see more of us.

Living in the space between gives those of us in the non-binary universe a unique perspective on those living at the poles; one that I believe can benefit all of humanity, helping us find balance and beauty in the entire spectrum and bridging the gap between. In fact, to silence our voices actually hurts all of us. Non-binary people have been forced to listen to the cis-normative narrative their entire lives, and many of the struggles we face are deeply rooted in the shame of not being what people think we should be. The vast range of identities in the spectrum of LGBTQ persons can actually bring balance to the views of cis-binary individuals who are deeply divided by their own gender, creating issues such like hyper radical feminism and misogyny. The narratives and views of the LGBTQ+ community can actually help us bridge the gap and ease the tension that exists between those binary poles.

By learning about, accepting and including those in the space between, we now have a means to unite humanity - and keep us united. We become less polarized and more unified because the bridge between demonstrates that we are all essentially connected. Diversity is no longer seen as diluting the whole, but rather our diversity COMPRISES the whole.

If you find yourself strongly defending the binary, take a moment to ask yourself why? What is it about making sure everyone conforms to the binary that is so important? You are perfectly happy being binary, but what about those in between? Should they be less content? Ask yourself, what can I learn from someone who is gender non-conforming?

And if you yourself are gender non-conforming, love yourself! You are important! You are special, and you have a place of honour in this world. You are the glue that can bind the binary together and make us whole again. Ask yourself, how can I contribute to a better world? How can I help others see through my eyes?

You are all special, binary and non-binary alike. You are valued and needed.

Love you all!

Cary

Meet Jennifer (L) (She/Her)

What follows is a transcript from Jennifer's video, which you can watch here: https://youtu.be/rxHC2cAZwn4

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Hi, my name is Jennifer Anastasia Levine. My pronouns are her and she. I am an IT Technician by trade. I received my credentials in 2005 I think it was, without looking on them. I just got them changed over last year to my new name and so far it's been pretty good. 

Photo by: FOTOGRAFIA INC

When I was 10 I told the doctor I wanted to wear girls clothes and they put me in a youth facility in Kitchener/Waterloo called Lutherwood, and there some bad stuff happened. But however, that's behind me. The worst part of it was over by the time I was 14, with Lutherwood, Mom found out what was going on at Lutherwood and pulled me out of there as fast as she put me in. I moved forward. At 15 I met some people at a center in Guelph called “change now” and one of the girls knew somebody in Toronto at the 519 and they introduced me to her, and she got me a meeting at the Clark Institution (I believe that's what it was back then in the 90s) The Clark Institution gave me a pamphlet on all the stuff I had to do to transition in the beginning, so I took that, read over it. Well I was only 15 at the time, so ultimately this was no good for me because I had to wait till I was 18.

Before I came out it was a single parent family, three girls, one boy, and I don't know where that boy is now. He's somewhere but I don't know where he is. And he was off doing everything by himself. And I’m self-taught, so everything I've learned, I taught myself, including my makeup.

It wasn't all at once. There are people that knew in the beginning and people that didn't know. A little bit of experimenting here and there and everywhere; that's just the way it came in. It just, it flowed. Kind of flowed that way. 

Party in Toronto made my life so much better. It helped me come to terms with some of the stuff that I was dealing with. It made me feel more comfortable being in that situation, because I had the support from people acknowledging that it was cool. I wasn't doing something stupid. I was considered cool to wear makeup. Like, for me to get up on stage as a DJ and put a dress on, man I’m rocking it, I’m cool, I’m the DJ that they want to hear, because I’m playing the tracks that they want to hear. So, I can. It doesn't matter how I look on stage. 

I still get on stage and I get cheered for, no matter how I look. So that whole community was a big support to me, and I've been DJing since I was 12. I got into it to get away from drinking, the law, and doing stupid stuff and it was an outlet for me. And it still is an outlet for me. I worked for four of the main… four of the biggest clubs in Toronto, downtown Toronto. I was made. I didn't have any problems with anybody. People knew me from the club. They knew I was DJ smiles. (Now I’m DJ Linus and DJ DSG) I had a good job. I had a good life. 

When I was 38, I went to Dr Tom and I came out to him. The day I went to Dr Tom's office, I was sitting outside having a cigarette, I was just shaking and I said okay, you remember that thing I said I had to talk to you about Dr Tom? He's like, it's time? I said yeah, it's time. I said, you see my skinny jeans, right? He's like, yeah. Doesn't say nothing about it because guys wear skinny jeans. Well, I said my jeans are women's. The only thing I’m wearing right now is my coat, my hat, and my t-shirt. Those are the only things that are men's. My shoes, my underwear, everything is women's. I said, normally I wear a bra, except for when I go out and stuff, and I, and he was like yeah. Like I said, he said that explains a lot. 

And when I talked to Dr Tom, when I came out to him. I’m like please don't look at me like I’m crazy because I know I’m not and I know this is a thing. And I know. He's like, that's good, okay? Well and then he started talking to me about Dr Maras..., I believe it's Marasala, and she works at the Quest clinic in St Catharines, and he wanted to get us connected with Quest. Well, after three months of Quest not calling us back, I took it upon myself to go on the internet and I went to the Sherburne clinic in Toronto. I got the pamphlet on how to prescribe hormones and blockers to transgender patients. I read over it, before taking it to Dr Tom and I gave it to Dr Tom. Dr Tom goes, okay let me read over it. And in a few days, I had my prescription for hormones. 

And in 2000 I moved to Niagara which made it better on me. I didn't have to hide myself where I had to hide myself in Guelph because it was homophobic as you would say, and it wasn't. Getting out of Guelph and being in Niagara has been a pretty good thing for me, and I don't think I would be where I’m at without Dr Tom. He deserves a high five. So, I think he jumped into this with no knowledge.

I wasn't waiting. I had name change papers signed, put in the mail, on its way, six to eight weeks my name was coming back to me. Dr Tom signed off on it. I went from Jeffrey Thomas Michael Burke to Jennifer Anastasia Levine. I took on my father's last name because my last name Burke was not my last name. It was my older sister's last name, who my mom was married to her father and not mine. So, I took my father's last name and I said to myself anytime I got a chance my name I would take my dad's last name. And I did that. 

Yeah, my coming-out story… My Mom is a superhero. She called me from the hospital, she's like yeah, they just asked me who my next of kin was and they said Jeffrey Burke, and she's like, no, my daughter Jennifer Levenne. And she just calls me up, she's like yeah, I just called you my daughter, and yeah, best part ever. My mom knew because I had all the clothes, and she was always telling me to throw them out. Except with mom, mom's like my bestie. She's been there my entire life. She still lives with me and we get along real well best roommate in the world. So mom, superhero mom, high five.

My mom is my supporter, she's my bestie. Can't talk to her about some stuff. When I mention surgery, she kind of tilts away from it, but now that I’m getting to my surgery letters, she's now gonna face it, that I’m gonna be laying in bed and she's gonna have to help me and what not. And she can't do a lot because she's got a bad back and stuff. So I’m trying to find ways around surgery to not be in bed as much as I’m supposed to and be able to get out of bed. 

So, yeah, I used to go till three, four or five o'clock in the morning. As soon as I heard those birds chirping, I knew I had to get home, because Mom knew I wasn't home. She'd kill me. And I’m afraid of my mom! She scares me. And to this day, my Mom scares me. 

Well the girls were great, because boys weren't allowed in the bedroom but the parents knew that I was raised with all sisters, so they knew I wouldn't do anything because my mom would kill me. I would go over to their house, have sleepover movie night, whatever on the weekend, Mom would get rid of me for a night, right, so she was happy for that, and it was just like, let's put makeup on him. So okay, whatever. Right? After a while, it just became a thing with me, and I could walk down the hall and go in their bedroom, but their boyfriend was at the house and he couldn't even go down the hallway. He was pissed.

I had a girlfriend that… I bought my kilt for St James, my knee-highs and my blouse. But I had it at a girlfriend's house and I would go to their house and change in the morning and wear my kilt to school. 

Over the couple of years being in Niagara, I didn't have anybody to talk to. Mom was in Winnipeg the past two months. I met Steven. Thank you Steven, high five. For shits and giggles I put an ad on a photography site for Toronto, explaining I’m a transgender model looking for a photographer to help me build my portfolio. Because I modeled from the time I was 12 to the time I was 14, or 10 till 14, and Mom always had me busy with my sisters figure skating, modeling, yeah, I did everything the girls did, pretty much, except for hockey. And Steven, I met Steven. We did the first photo shoot paid me $60 for three hours of my time, which was to me, I really didn't care about money. I just cared about photos, and I met Steven, and Steven took the first photo shoot, and we did the first photo shoot, I think, three months ago. 

Ultimately Steven went home, and he was looking over the new photos, and he sent me a link. This link with my photo on a website. And when I started going over the website and seeing what it was all about, and I was reading about it, and I was seeing that they're transitioning later on in life, I started reading over more to see what kind of information that they gave and they give pretty much accurate information, how to start and do your transition, and how to go about things. There are some things that were there that I had access to, like PFlag - high five to PFlag. 

I've talked to some other female models in Toronto, that I’m supposed to meet in the summertime for my birthday, hopefully, if COVOD is gone. And because of Steven, my life is moving in a different direction. And it all extends from me putting that out on Facebook in a modeling group. So ultimately Steven has given me a new reasoning of get out of bed. High five Steven! 

Ultimately, it's because of Steven, I've been given that reason to get out of bed now, and I've been given more energy, and I've been getting the adrenaline that I had when I was in clubs and feeling good, the way I felt like I was back on stage 

My biggest dream for the future is marriage, a happy life, to get my son back, who was taken from me when I came out. Yeah my son is a big part of my life seeing him again would be probably the best. That's the biggest thing I've been fighting over, with my anxiety and my depression, is my son, because just the smallest thing set me off. I would tell my son that, you know what? Dad is still here I’m still Jeffrey Thomas Michael Burke to you. And the day I told my son I changed my name, I explained to him that I wasn't happy and when I told him he was like dad as long as you're happy. That's all that matters, and this flows back into where I said if you want to talk to my mom because my mom will say, she asked my son the same thing and he says as long as dad's happy. 

I had an issue at Tim Hortons one time. Out of respect for the two older ladies that were there I went into the men's bathroom and said women's because I knew the old ladies would go and complain. So I went in the men's bathroom and three kids came in, threw stuff over and caused a problem, and said I was making noises. Yeah, I was making noises. I was taking a poop! 

Ultimately I've had issues with the bathroom but I’m not gonna let that hamper me! Please let me use the bathroom. All I wanna do is go pee. 

Man I even got stopped in Guelph by a cop that busted me when I was a teenager and he ran - he thought I was smoking a joint in my car. I was sitting downtown Guelph having a cigarette. I just drove to Guelph in the middle night for coffee. That was it. I sat downtown Guelph having a cigarette in my car before I go back to St Catherines and, cop pulls in, thought I was smoking a joint, comes up to my car and he's like, ma'am, err, can you please sit up? And I said... I sit up. He goes, Mr Burt? I says no it's Miss Levenne. He thought my id was fake because I hadn't received my birth certificate back yet. My driver's license was changed to my new name but it didn't have my gender change so he thought my id was fake. 

How can people help? People can help by not calling me sir. They can stop calling me he. They can stop referring to me as male pronouns and treat me as an equal, letting me use the women's bathroom. I am not going in there to do anything else but do my business. So that's what people can do to help 

I am set on my goals. I've been battling addiction. I have been dealing with issues from my life, childhood, and stuff that's happened to me over the years; bad things, evil things. And I've been... since finding my boyfriend Alex, I have come to accept some of the stuff that's gone in my past and throw it out there. I've been working with my psychiatrist to find things like; I have ADD. There's been so much that I've come to acknowledge and accept. 

From the day that Dr Tom signed my name change forms, I dropped that dress on. I didn't care what people thought or what they looked... I put that dress on and I went out. Hair, no hair, makeup, no makeup, I put my dress on, went out, dropped my forms in the mail, took a picture, posted it. And it's been fine sailing. So I don't see any challenges in my near future. I see battling infections and stuff from surgery as a possibility. But I I’m looking at that as hopefully Dr Tom will get me a PSW worker that can help me get up and out of bed, because alex can't lift me, because he's had back surgery. And my mom can't lift me up. So, I’m gonna need help getting up out of bed when I come home from the hospital. And that's about the only challenge I see that I faced. 

I started my transition and the best thing I could have ever done for myself. 

Peace, love, unity, and respect. Four words I've learned over the years that I live by, which is what everybody deserves, including myself, and I wish people would do that for all of us, every day, when they see us.

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Aren't we all a little queer?

Not so long ago, I despised the word queer. As an adjective, it means "Strange, Odd". Instead, I focused on fitting in, on being normal, as far from strange as possible.  

This is part of why I hid my gender identity for so long. More than that, it's what prevented me from accepting my gender identity.

It has taken a lot of years for me to come to terms with my own queerness. I came to realize that "normal" was a term that means "in the middle"; "the usual, average, or typical state or condition"

When you think about it, what normal person ever accomplished anything? I mean, was Van Gough normal? Was Tesla normal? Is Elon Musk? Can you think of one person who has accomplished great things, who is also "normal" in every way? By embracing the thing that made them different, they contributed something amazing. And we all benefit from those differences. That thing was the thing that made them who they are, and sets them apart from everyone else. So why is it so desirable to be normal?

Perhaps, the desire to be normal is a reaction to bullies who think they are better than us, who want us to fall in line behind them so they can feel more important. It is definitely "safer" to hide who we are, to not be ridiculed by those who choose to deny the diversity of the world. Much like a factory that pollutes the environment around it unaware of the long term problems it is causing. But when we stand up and call out from our differences, we all benefit. Without the environmentalists, those factories would pollute the world, but without the factories, we would not have the products we all enjoy. The symbiosis is complementary. It does not have to be adversarial. But for it to work, both have to see the other as important in their contribution.

None of us is any more or less important than any other. We all have differences. And that diversity contributes to the greater good of everyone.

It is difficult to feel free to move to the edge of the bell curve. It is difficult to sit somewhere at the right hand end of the curve and accept what is at the far left. It is that fear that keeps so many of us from recognizing our own differences, our potential, our greatness... our queerness. The reality is; if we were the normal one, or that person at the other end of the curve were, the whole graph would shift and our world would be out of balance. So isn't it better to accept others? To learn from what they have to offer - even as we recognize that it is not for us? And isn't acceptance that we are not like others also a recognition of each of our individuality? Isn't it simply a recognition of diversity? 

These days I am embracing my own queerness. I mean, I don't expect that will make me something "great" or special in any way, but accepting and embracing myself as I am means I can be authentic, and being authentic means that I can contribute to the world in a unique way. When I do not express myself as I am, I have so much less to offer.

In the end, isn't that better for us all? Isn't a diverse ecosystem much better than one falling apart because it is missing parts? Remember how we discovered the roll that bumble bees had on... everything? Isn't the world better if each of us embraces our own differences and adds to the diversity of the world around us? Not as something separate and distinct, but an important part of the greater whole. What beauty there is in that!

Yes, I'm different, but aren't we all in some way? Every one of us is queer in some way, and we all benefit from everyone embracing who they are! Share it with the world!

Embrace your Queerness!

Love you all!

Cary